


Let Fire Light Darkness

by ParkerMaximoff



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Flat AU, M/M, Modern AU, Modern Era, Multi, Neighbours AU, Slow Burn, minewt, newtmas - Freeform, thomas pov, very slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-09-24 15:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9767732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParkerMaximoff/pseuds/ParkerMaximoff
Summary: Thomas have moved to a new apartment in a new town. Just after two weeks, the upper flat starts burning. Once he is outside, watching the firefighters doing their work, he meets the boy who would probably change his life in more ways than he can imagine._Thank you very much to the amazing @rutterio on Twitter, the one I role-play wrote this idea with. Basically all the credits go to her.





	1. Fire

His house was a mess. He had moved there two weeks ago and there were still unpacked boxes. Most of his time he had dedicated to clean – no one had lived there in months and dust was everywhere. The first thing he unpacked were his clothes so that he could wash them as soon as possible. He hadn’t found a job yet, and he didn’t like to go to the interviews wearing the first thing he saw. After that, he had the phone and the Internet installed and made some minor reparations on the water system. The building was old, and his neighbours didn’t seem very friendly, but it was all he could afford and was in fact happy with it.

Thomas was now lying in his bed, with a book resting upon his abdomen. He had fallen asleep while reading some architecture book. It was nearly 2:00 a. m. He had been remodelling his living room that afternoon, changing the location of the sofa and the TV to make the space look bigger. He had also tried to replace some shelves, but they were too heavy and he started to feel tired.

A couple of minutes later some screams woke him up. Behind all that yelling there was an alarm ringing through the whole building. It was definitely a fire. He threw the book into the ground and rushed outside, barefoot, dressed only with a pair of sweatpants and a long-sleeved blue T-shirt.

He joined his neighbours across the streets. The source of the fire was two floors above his. He had been lucky. What if it had been the one next to his, or the one below? Maybe the heat or the smoke would have woken him up. But it was just a possibility.

“I don’t think you can come back to your houses tonight, ma’am”, a firefighter was explaining to an old lady, “not until we make sure that the building is safe again. If the fire keeps spreading, it could collapse. I’m sorry. If you don’t have any relatives nearby, we could offer you some shelter, but only for tonight.”

Thomas’ attention on the firefighter didn’t last long. He was now concentrating in a blonde man, more or less his age, who was only wearing loose trunks. His body was shaking because of the night breeze. It didn’t matter how hard he tried to hide it – the way he hugged himself and his little shivers gave him away. Thomas studied the back of his hair, his wide and strong shoulders, his slim but strong arms, his vertebrae, which stood out on his back, his solid thighs, his ankles, and his also naked feet.

The brunette stepped forward. He raised one of his hands, but put it back on its place slowly. It would be a stupid movement, to get his attention by touching him. Besides, it was a violation of his privacy.

“You’re crazy, you know that, right?” Thomas moved to his left. Staying behind him would have been weird. He turn his head, discovering how his face looked. “I mean… you’ll end up getting a cold or a pneumonia if you stay here any longer.”

He wasn’t good at starting conversations, but he had to try. The blonde guy looked at his phone before locking it. No one was answering on the other line. He had been trying to reach his best friend, but he seemed to be asleep or partying.

“Thanks for the memo”, the shirtless one said with a sarcastic voice. “Give me just one minute and I’ll go and get my trousers out of the flames and the ashes. It’s not like my flat is burning, or anything, you know? Besides, who doesn’t love to go out in their underwear at this hour?”

“All right, forgive me, Mister I-Love-To-Show-Off-In-Front-Of-My-Neighbours.” He stepped back, breaking any visual contact with the blonde one. It wasn’t long until he went to his original position, sighing. “I’m sorry, that was totally out of the line. It’s just that… you should’ve asked for a blanket, you know?” Thomas clicked his tongue and offered his hand to the other one, waiting for him to shake it. “My name is Thomas. I live on the fourth floor, I can get some clothes for you if you need them. Is your flat too burnt?” He leaned his head, full of curiosity. If his house was indeed the focus of the fire, he would feel the necessity and almost obligation to invite him to his own house and let him sleep there if he had nowhere to go.

In the few seconds that Thomas turn, Newt had unlocked his phone again and dialled a different number. Alby’s and Thomas’ voices overlapped. “I’ll call you later, shank.” He hung up and looked at Thomas, listening to him. “It’s okay, I’ve been a complete shuck-face. That’s fair. Newt”, he revealed his name when he shook Thomas’ hand. “Well, if my eyes aren’t cheating me, it’s pretty wrecked. I had just managed to get some sleep when I heard the alarm. I didn’t have time to take anything, but that’s fine… I can survive with a bit of cold.”

They both stayed silent. If he was so reluctant on not needing a blanket, Thomas wouldn’t insist anymore.

“Are you new, or do you live with someone here?” Newt wanted to know.

“I’ve been here for a couple of weeks now, maybe less. I’ve lost track of time. The alarm freaked me out, but well, here I am, safe and sound. How long have you lived here for?”

“It’s been… three years now since I first move to this rat hole. It’s not that bad, in the end. It’s just another roof to live under, anyway. And the sight is not that bad. I hope you enjoy it.”

Thomas smiled and nodded, full of doubts. His eyes examined his body once more. He scratched one of his temples before letting it go.

“Are you sure you really don’t need anything? Not even a bloody T-shirt? We can sneak in through the fire escape.”

Newt licked his lips and stared at his flat on the fifth floor. He wouldn’t be able to wait until the next morning, or whenever the authorities would let them return to their houses, and he didn’t want to freeze there, so the idea was tempting.

“Okay, let’s do it. But only if you accept some favour back. I wouldn’t want to be a burden.” It would be useless to be proud now, he thought as he rubbed one of his arms, with its skin turn into gooseflesh.

“I do not need any favour back, Newt. Well, maybe one,” he added once they were out of the group of neighbours, walking around them and reaching the side of the building, avoiding policemen and firefighters. “Don’t let me become as grouch as those people we have as neighbours, please. Wasn’t any of them worried about you? Really?” He turned to Newt and used both of his hands to point his body, from his shoulders to his feet, to make evident what he was referring to.

Newt laughed and shook his head. “Not in a million years, Thomas. Besides, I would regret not to have the opportunity of breaking into your apartment whenever I feel like it.” He grinned even though Thomas wasn’t seeing him. They had reached the stairs and were now about to go up. Newt took a deep breath. He trusted his leg. It would be horrible if it failed him now.

Up they went, trying not to be too much noisy. Once they were in Thomas’ floor, the foresaid opened the metal door that was separating them from the corridor. Thomas headed to his door and stepped aside.

“Come in. Make yourself comfortable.” He was whispering, afraid that they might get caught.

Newt stepped in, shivering when he noticed the warm temperature that the apartment radiated. He looked around, still rubbing his arms with his hands. “Is it me or you actually own a pachyderm, Tommy?”


	2. Chocolate

Newt stared at the other’s apartment. He wasn’t judging – in fact, he understood him. He knew how tiring moving could be. Thomas frightened for a few seconds when Newt stood by the door. He indeed feared that he would say no at the last minute. He _missed_ having friends, for he was alone in that town until he finally found some job, and Newt seemed like a good friend. His presence in that building comforted him. Thomas was able to even imagine Newt sleeping on his sofa, or on a folding bed next to his after a long night of playing and drinking – something simple that made them sleep until noon. Or simply talking about stuff friends talked about.

“Show some respect”, answered Thomas in the same joker voice. Newt’s voice rescued him from those far and unlikely fantasies, “you’re in my house now. In fact, you should thank me for not throwing you out on the street, this time with nothing to cover you.” Thomas winked at Newt before pulling his back, softly. “Come on, sit down. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

He didn’t want to sound desperate, but he _needed_ a friend. But maybe Newt went on with his life once he repaired his apartment and his relationship got simplified to that based simply on hello and goodbye whenever they saw each other. Thomas went to his bedroom and took out a white T-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. He hadn’t used those clothes since he unpacked them.

“Would you like some hot chocolate? You’d like some hot chocolate.” Thomas answered himself as he handed Newt the clothes. It was just an excuse to keep talking. He went the kitchen, giving him some privacy, and raised his voice to ask, “What’s that Tommy thing, by the way?”

«That would be a bloody spectacle», Newt had thought after Thomas’ fake menace. The blonde one took the clothes that Thomas was handing him and opened his lips to refuse his invitation, but Thomas didn’t let him. He still had to call Alby and travel to his house, which was at least three blocks away – a hot chocolate would take most of his time. But Thomas seemed so cheerful that he simply nodded in response.

“Well, that’s your name. Does it bother you that I call you that?” Newt asked as he relocated his clothes, a bit wider than his usual size.

“Oh, it’s not that. In fact… I love it. But I haven’t heard it in a long time.” Thomas’ face was invaded by a soft smile full of nostalgia. Meanwhile, he was heating milk on the hob, with a tin of cocoa next to it.

Newt went into the kitchen without invitation. “Now I completely smell like Tommy”, he announced as he leaned out over Thomas’ right shoulder to see what he was doing. “Okay, I haven’t realised until now that I’m starving. Do you need any help?” Newt stepped aside and looked at some biscuits that were lying on the countertop. He took one of them.

“I wouldn’t eat that.” They had been there for at least two days. He could be very forgetful sometimes. He leaned to Thomas and sniffed the air around him. “And believe me, you wouldn’t want to smell that bad.” Thomas joked before he stirred the milk. Then, he pointed to the table on the kitchen. “Just sit down, I’ll give you some food now.”

“Oh, it won’t kill me for a couple of hours. Besides, you don’t smell _that_ bad. If you sniffed Minho every time that shank is finished with his training, you’ll know what it is to murder someone by fetid odours.” Newt replied, laughing and obeying Thomas. Once he sat down, Newt rested his shoulders on the table and held his neck with both hands. He stretched it, moving his head to both the right and the left. For his part, Thomas took out some biscuits and chocolate-filled croissants so that Newt could choose what he wanted. He left them at the centre of the table and returned to the hob.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Thomas had decided not to answer Newt. He didn’t know who Minho was, and he still didn’t know what that damn word meant.

“Aren’t you afraid of me? You know, they say you shouldn’t let strangers into your house… But the real and boring version of me is that I’m a lawyer assistant in a relatively new office. What about you?”

“It could be worse. You could be a hitman”. Thomas laughed before he purred some cocoa in the boiling milk. He then stirred it, quickly, and once the cocoa dissolved, he filled two breakfast cups with it. “Nothing, for now,” he finally answered Newt’s question. The foresaid had already taken one croissant, eating it with some discretion, “and I just got here two weeks ago. I’m from the outskirts and this is my first time in town. I have just finished studying architecture. Yeah, I know it took me a while longer than usual… personal stuff.” Thomas moved his hand in the air so that Newt didn’t give it more importance than necessary. The blonde one simply nodded. He respected him and wouldn’t make him say what he didn’t want to.

“Don’t tell anyone or you’ll be treated like fresh meat.” Newt whispered as if he was telling Thomas a secret when he mentioned he was from the outskirts.

Thomas had to stop drinking so that he could laugh without making a mess. Then he took some biscuits and continued talking after eating one of them.

“And what’s all that stuff… that Minho, and that shuck-face and shank words? You say them so… naturally.” Thomas felt that Newt had opened a whole new world to him just by using that silly words, and he felt curious about it. He wanted to belong to that world. Newt was someone more or less his age, a kind boy (and, let’s be honest, attractive, which was in fact the first thought that led him to Newt on the street quickly followed by a sensation of worry – «one is not made of stone», he would remind himself the following days whenever he thought of that likely superficial feeling towards Newt). He was alas a boy worthy of his time.

“Oh, Minho is my… best friend, we have known each other since we went to high school. You would like him, he has a great heart, although he is an idiot sometimes. I think he’d like you, too. And sorry, greenie…” Newt grinned out of fake malice – all he wanted was to increase Thomas’ curiosity. The brunette frowned as he drank. “The words… it’s just a slang me and my group have. It’s… like a secret code. I had forgotten that you had no idea of it. If you behave, I’ll show it to you.”

Newt grinned again. “If he’s the same kind of idiot you are, I’m sure I’ll _love_ him” Thomas answered in an attempt to pester him, to pay him back with the same coin. The blonde one replied with a smile before he went on eating and drinking.

“Are you free this weekend? I can show you the city and give you the welcome you deserve. Without any fire or underwear in the way.”

Thomas finished his chocolate and leaned back on the chair. Until that moment, he had been stoic, rigid, as if he was talking to some authority.

“Come on, do you really think there will be anything more original than this? I’ve met you in a fire and almost as you came into the world. I can’t ask for more!” He didn’t smile, he burst into laughter. “Anyway, I am free. I’ve only been to that supermarket over there, I haven’t visited the city itself for now.”

“Okay, then let’s make it a date.” Newt joked, challenging Thomas.

There were a lot of dates. What was the one Newt was talking about? Thomas had to use all his strength to continue on his place, controlling his breath. It was impossible that Newt had any interest towards him, so the romantic connotation of the word date soon dissipated from his mind. It was a friendly date, if anyone was still using the word date with that specific meaning.

“Okay, do you want to sleep here? Or do we try to get into your house? By the window, maybe…”  That was if the bed survived, which he doubted.

They both looked at the clock above the door at the same time.

“Oh, gosh, is it so late? Don’t worry, I… I forgot I have to return a call. When you came to me, I was talking to Alby, a friend of mine. It will be better if I stay at his place – I’ve given you enough problems for now. If you excuse me…” Newt stood up and started to walk towards the door. Suddenly, he stopped. “Oh, crap. I hate technology.” Just after he unlocked his phone, his battery died. “Hey, Tommy, can I use you phone? I promise that’s the last thing I will steal from you.”

“Of course. You’ve already broken into my house, you can use whatever you want.” Thomas stood up and patted his back so that Newt followed him. He entered the living room and after turning a lamp on, he pointed at the phone with his right hand. “All yours. I’ll be washing the cups.”

Newt thanked Thomas and he waited until he was alone. He then dialled Alby’s number. Thomas saved the leftovers of the chocolate and put them in the fridge after washing the cups and the saucepan. When he finished he went back to the living room, leaning himself on the door frame.

“I’m not going to deal with this now, Alby. Not at these freaking hours.”

He hung up and placed his fingers on his nasal bridge, massaging the zone. Was his friendship with Alby breaking? Was it really so important that he hadn’t called him earlier? He had said he’d call him later. He hadn’t specified when. Newt sighed, giving up. He preferred to get some rest rather than face a place where everything was likely to happen except sleeping. He turn to face Thomas, shrugging one shoulder.

“I hope your sofa is comfortable.”


	3. Diary

“So do I”, Thomas had said before having a small argument about who should sleep in the bed and who on the sofa. Tommy had won: Newt would sleep in the bed and Thomas on the sofa. Newt was the guest. He deserved the sofa. That was it. He could either listen to him and obey or leave the house and find somewhere else to sleep. Of course Tommy wouldn’t be so evil, but the threat worked.

 

Thomas woke up with a discomfort on his neck. He would have felt terrible if Newt had been the one with that pain. After getting up, he looked for his phone, which was on the kitchen, and looked at the hour. It was 12:48. He made some coffee and put aside two clean cups. «What if Newt had to work?», he suddenly thought, and he rushed to his room.

But the moment he entered it, he started to walk slowly. He didn’t want to wake him up as if there was something dangerous going on. In fact, he stopped to look at him. His messy hair, his mouth opened, his chest going up and down slowly as he breathed, his hands resting upon his abdomen and the bed, his legs wide open and with the trousers rolled up almost to his knees.

Thomas sat on the edge of the bed. “Newt”, he repeated, raising his voice every time he did. Newt didn’t move. His breathing didn’t change. Thomas decided to put one of his hands on Newt’s closest shoulder. He shook it, slowly. “Newt, wake up”, he said again.

Newt started to wake up, turning over to Thomas’ side while he rubbed his eyes. He yawned and let a smile flourish on his face. “Hey, Minho… good morning.”

The brunette raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. He started to get nervous.

“No…”, he let his elbow go and stood up, “I’m… I’m Thomas. You slept here. Your house burnt, remember?”

Newt sat in the bed so quickly that Thomas thought he had been pulled with a rope.

“Oh, shit, that’s right. I… what time is it?”

“It’s almost 13:00. I woke up just now, and I thought… well, maybe you had work.”

“I did. I mean, I do. But… shit, Thomas, why didn’t we set any alarm?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because we went to bed at almost four o’clock in the morning?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll call them… they will understand this, right? I mean, if your house burns, with most of your clothes, you’re not obliged to go to work, are you?”

“I don’t think so. I made some coffee. I’ll wait you in the kitchen.”

Thomas smiled, although he was really worried about Newt. What if he lost his job? Then there was Minho. There was no way one could say a best friend’s name like that while waking up. But who was he to judge him? Maybe his relationship with Minho was very different than the one he used to have with Teresa, back at home. They were best friends, but everything was still very cold.

Newt stood up and looked around. His dead phone was on the nightstand, and there were no other clothes at sight. He sighed. He didn’t want to keep abusing Thomas, but he had to. He started to go to the kitchen, and his limp showed up. «Oh, come on», he thought. He leaned on the wall, closing his hands in fists so hard that his nails dig into the palm of his hand. It didn’t hurt so much, he was just tired of it. He thought it would make him look weak. Even less attractive.

Thomas poured the coffee on the cups and left them on the same table they sat by some hours ago. Then, he made some toasts. Newt entered the kitchen just as Thomas was about to scream what jam he preferred. “Oh, here you are. Which one you prefer? Strawberry or pea…? Are you okay?” His voice was full of worry.

Newt shook his head. “Don’t worry. I’ve been having it since… an accident. It doesn’t hurt. It just comes and goes. It’s worse when I try to exercise, but for the rest… everything is fine. Cheer up, Tommy. And I’ll have the peach one.”

Newt’s smile did indeed cheer up Thomas, but just because he couldn’t resist to it. He smiled back and continued making the toasts.

“Hey, can I charge my phone? Or use yours again?”

“Of course, you can do both. I’m not going to charge you or anything. Feel free. The charger is over there, on the living room.”

Newt nodded and after finding the charger he connected his phone and turn it on. He saw several messages from Minho and Alby, but ignored them for now. He contacted his office and explained to them the whole situation. They seemed fine, but of course, they wouldn’t pay him that day or the days he wouldn’t go to work. It was fair.

“So, what are you going to do today?” Thomas asked when Newt returned to the kitchen and sat by the table to eat something.

“I’ll call Minho, or Alby… maybe they can come and pick me up. And bring me some clothes.” He bit his toast. “What about you?”, he wanted to know right after he swallowed.

“I’ll finish unpacking the boxes and maybe I’ll continue looking for jobs, I guess.”

“I’ll let you know if I find anything. Or you can open your own business. I’d definitely let you design my house.”

Thomas started to laugh and shook his head. “Believe me, don’t. My imagination is horrible. That’s why I prefer to work for someone and receive order of what to draw.”

They stayed silent during the rest of the breakfast, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Thomas loved the way they had connected. But he was afraid that everything went wrong because of one wrong word or movement.

“I’ll take a shower. Call whoever you have to call, and if you are hungry, feel free to take whatever you want.”

Thomas took some clothes from his bedroom and went into the bathroom, where he took a long shower. In the meantime, Newt called Minho from his personal phone, apologising and convincing him that he was okay, that Thomas was a great person and he had taken good care of him. Then it was Alby’s turn, who apologised. “Don’t worry, we were both quite unnerved. I… Can you pick me up, when you get out of work? And if you could bring me some clothes, I’ll give you whatever you want”, he promised with a laugh. “Yeah, there’s no hurry, don’t worry. We can meet Minho for dinner and I’ll sleep at his place, don’t worry about that. Okay, bye. Yeah, idiot. Bye.”

When he hung up, he could still hear the shower on. He stood up and walked around the house. He was curious. He barely knew anything about him, so he was looking for some old photographs, some decorations, stuff from his past – something that gave him more information about Thomas. He didn’t find anything but a diary.

He sat by the bed and started to glance through it. He didn’t stop to read whole sentences, just some words. Newt didn’t want to violate his privacy. Besides, the diary seemed old and the handwriting evidenced that it had been written when Thomas was little, maybe eight or nine years old.

Quickly, Thomas dried himself and dressed with a pair of jeans and a red, plain T-shirt that highlighted his pale skin and his numerous moles. He folded his pyjamas and went to his bedroom to place in under the pillow. Thomas rushed towards Newt and took the diary from his hands. His face started to blush, almost reaching the colour of his T-shirt.

“What the hell, Newt?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t read anything, just… keeping a diary is so old-fashioned, Tommy…” Newt didn’t want him to be angry.

“Well, it wasn’t for me. They say writing helps, and it’s true.”

 “What did it help you with?”

Newt stood up and got close to him, but Thomas stepped backwards. That was something private. He liked Newt, but that didn’t give him the right to know those things. Not at that time.

“Just forget it. It’s private, okay? If the time comes, I’ll tell you. We just knew each other. It’s too soon, you know?”

Newt nodded and dared to raise his hand until it rested upon one of Thomas’ shoulders.

“I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have opened it. I just wanted to know you better, but that was disrespectful. In fact, I should be more thankful. So… you can yell at me, I’ll understand.”

“Don’t be like that, it’s just… there are things in that notebook which embarrass me now. Well, they don’t embarrass me, but not everyone would like them. Have you talked to Minho yet?”

“Yes, and Alby. He’s coming when he gets out of work. I’ll just bother you for a couple of hours more.”

Thomas laughed and patted Newt’s right shoulder. “That’s okay. In fact, why don’t you help me with some of the boxes?”

Newt accepted. It would be rude not to do it, and he was eager to help him. To return him his favours and keep apologising with actions such as that one.

 

At 15:10, the entry phone rang. “I’ll go”, Newt rushed and after checking it was Alby, he finished placing some decorating objects on the living room and then took his phone. “Okay, that’s my cue. He’s waiting downstairs. Can I take your clothes? I’ll return them to you, washed and all.”

“Don’t worry, I have plenty of those. Keep them if you want. And if you need anything… well, you know where I live.” «What would he need that both his best friend and his friend couldn’t give him?», Thomas though, but he meant it anyways.

Newt hugged him and apologised one again. Thomas slightly squeezed him on his arms and then he let go, with a smile on his face. “You still owe me that date!” Thomas reminded him between laughs when Newt was walking towards the stairs.

“I know! I’ll let you know when I can!”

And Newt disappeared. Thomas leaned on his door frame, staring at the corner Newt had taken towards the stairs. Deep down, subconsciously, he was starting to hate himself for having fallen for Newt, even when he hated love at first sight. Because there was no way one could smile like that without feeling anything.


	4. Bacheesion

Thomas had found a job at the same time that he finished tidying his new house, as if the universe had aligned to cheer him up. Newt hadn’t returned more than necessary, and the insurance was already repairing his flat.

He was working as a consultant for an architecture firm. He made blueprints and drawings that were studied by their superiors and, if one of them was approved, they improved it –sometimes they would only change the façade– and claimed it as their own. It wasn’t his dream job, but at least he earnt some money.

On his second Tuesday as a consultant, after having stopped by the supermarket, he found a packet right next to his door. The wrapping paper was brown, simple, and the package was a bit creased. He took it once he organized the shopping and he opened it on the same hall. It was his clothes. Thomas laughed and rolled his eyes just before he sniffed it. There was no trace of Newt, only detergent. Thomas only noticed the letter when he stepped on it. He took it, frowning.

_As I don’t have your number and I can’t live there for now, this letter was the only way I could communicate with you. I could ring your bell, I know, but I tried last Thursday morning and you weren’t there, so why bother._

_Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I’ll be waiting for you on Friday at the Old Square, around 17:30. Is it OK if Minho joins us for dinner? Believe me, you’ll love him._

_If you can’t go, don’t worry — Oh, come on, I know you can. You have no social life._

_Newt._

_PS: Jk, don’t get mad at me._

Thomas sat on the sofa and read the letter three more times. He loved his handwriting, especially on the signature. Who the hell wrote letter these days, anyway? It said a lot about him. The brunette looked at the envelope, but there was no returning address. Newt himself must have left the package there, or Minho.

Minho. He wasn’t so sure he’d love him. He didn’t like to judge people, especially when he didn’t even know his face, but what kind of friend/best friend didn’t go and pick up his friend/best friend when his house is on fire? What kind of friend/best friend lets his friend/best friend sleep in a stranger’s house, even if he is their age? Not only Minho, but Alby. Even if Thomas was mad at one of his friends, his old friends, he would have picked them up anyways — if he had had a car, of course.

Days went on.

Wednesday: Drawing, eating, sleeping.

Thursday: Drawing, eating, masturbating, sleeping.

Friday: Drawing, eating, ~~sleeping~~.

He took a half an hour nap followed by a shower. He hadn’t visited the centre of the city yet, for after meeting Newt he preferred to do it with him.

Thomas arrived at the Old Square at 17:28. What if Newt didn’t show up?, he thought again and again, walking up and down in an attempt to warm up and fight the cold. Winter wouldn’t arrive until some weeks later, but temperatures were starting to drop.

17:32.

The brunette looked at his watch. Newt wasn’t able to stand him up, was he? When he raised his eyes, he saw the blonde one talking towards him. A brown, elegant gabardine sheltered his torso and legs from the cold, while his neck and part of his face was protected by a red scarf.

“I’m sorry, Tommy. Minho lives a bit farther than us, so it took me longer to get here. Anyway, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. I finally got a job and my life is more or less settled.”

“Is it? So, have you met anyone at work? Follow me, we’ll visit the old church and the old cemetery, and then we can get into the museum so that we don’t freeze to die.”

“Nah. I mean, they are older than me — not that it’s a problem. It’s just that they aren’t on the same page as me, you know? Some of them have kids, so going out with them seems impossible. But hey, give me time. I’ve been there for two weeks only.”

“I give you all the time in the world! I just wanted to make sure that you’re comfortable. I understand that the job itself is important, but what good does it do if the atmosphere is klunk.”

 _Klunk_.

“Yeah, of course. Klunk. That’s right.” They both burst into laughter. Newt wouldn’t tell him about those words until he could manage to get together Tommy, Minho and Alby.

They visited the places Newt had mentioned and an abandoned neighbour that it had belonged to the poor and the farmers back when that part of the town was considered the outskirts. They talked about pretty much everything, except Thomas’ difficulty to make friends or even like people, Newt’s limp –its origin– or the way Newt had argued with Alby that night at Thomas’ — the brunette didn’t want to be meddler. When they finished, it was 20:15 and their stomachs were pleading for food.

“Minho is waiting for us at Leo’s, the best burger bar ever.”

Thomas nodded, but his stomach twisted for a few seconds out of nervousness. What if they didn’t like each other? What if Minho wasn’t nice? What if he felt out of place?

The bar was full of people, but elegant and with a nice odour. It wasn’t like one of those fast food restaurants. Minho was already sit, making sure they had a table so that they wouldn’t have to wait until one of them got empty.

“So, Tommy, this is Minho. Minho, this is Thomas. Or Tommy, as I call him.”

Minho raised an eyebrow at the mention of Tommy, but didn’t say anything apart from «Nice to meet you» while they shook hands. New sat beside Minho and Thomas in front of Newt.

Thomas had a hard time trying not to stare at Minho. His Korean features only made him more attractive. It was a different beauty than Newt’s — Minho was more _normative_. The sleeves of his shirt were so tight that he could see the curves of his muscles and, if he concentrated a lot, the veins of his inner biceps and his forearm. His torso wasn’t so marked, but he could also differentiate the shape of his pectorals and his abdomen. And then there was that look — fierce, harsh, but bright when he smiled. In conclusion, it was obvious he exercised and he could perfectly be an underwear model. That’s where he preferred Newt, who represented a different beauty, beauty not only based on his appearance.

But, what the hell was he doing? He wasn’t there to compare them. Even if he liked boys, he couldn’t see them as possible — what? possible what? Not even Thomas knew, and of course, he was still denying his sort-of-infatuation with Newt.

He had lost track of the conversation. “Hey, Tommy!” Newt snapped his fingers and Thomas jumped on the chair.

“Idiot, you scared me.”

“Where were you? I was telling Minho how nice you were that night.”

“Yeah, I’ve only heard that story a thousand times before.” Minho replied, rolling his eyes, before turning his attention to one of the waiters so that they could order.

“I did what any other neighbour would have done. I was just worried about him, out there in the cold. In fact, I couldn’t understand why no one else helped him. I suppose they were worried about their homes, but hey, there was a kid –sorry about that, Newt– almost naked that could freeze to death.”

“Oh, come on, don’t exaggerate so much. I can with that and more.”

The conversation died when the waiter arrived. Thomas ordered a _Bacheesion_ , consisted of bacon, cheese and onion apart from the meet, while Newt and Minho ordered the house specialty with almost any ingredient one could think of.

Thomas wasn’t very comfortable, but he made it through. Instead of a three-way conversation, there were two different conversations. Thomas and Minho barely interacted, and when they did, Minho would stop smiling and answer him plainly.

“So, an architect.” Minho finally started a conversation with him when they were eating their desserts, a piece of lemon cake.

“Yeah. Well. Sort of. I design buildings, but then they” he pointed up so that he understood he was talking about his bosses and superiors “take all the credit. They change the size of one room, the windows or the façade and they claim it as theirs.”

“Wow. I’m pretty sure that’s slavery.”

“Collective work, they call it. I mean, they do it with all the other consultants, so if one complains there isn’t any difference at all.”

“And what about… creating your own company? Or presenting you blueprints to an independent firm?”

“Money. I can’t afford opening a business, and that other thing… There are a bunch of good architects out there who have created a name. I mean, you have to be very, very good to achieve it. The rest of us… well, you see what’s in store for us.”

“Don’t be a shuck-face. In fact, why don’t you star thinking about a new gym? The one I go to… it’s awful. Even the tiles of the dressing rooms are falling off.”

“Dressing rooms? In plural? And how do you know that the girls’ dressing room is also falling apart?” Newt entered the conversation for the first time, sticking his finger into Minho’s closest side to him. Minho started to laugh and with two quick movement he restrained Newt, grabbing not one but both his two wrists, just in case. They looked at each other. Newt opened his lips and Minho let him go. «Not here, not now», he had said, but Thomas couldn’t know.

“I assume both of them are like that. Anyway, some of the higher windows are broken and no one seems to be willing to repair. So… if you have any spare time, I myself will pay you. I don’t know how, but I will.” Minho finally answered, smiling. He seemed more relaxed with Thomas, whom he had seen somehow threatening to both Newt and himself.

“So you really like exercise, don’t you? I mean, no one really asks for a complete remodelling of a gym.”

“Oh, I also work there. I teach martial arts.”

“Oh, cool.”

“Yeah, that’s why he’s always smelling like a sweaty pig.” Newt interrupted again before laughing like a maniac. Thomas and Minho joined him.

 

Thomas woke up in a bed he didn’t recognised. Once he was fully awaken, he looked the walls. Children books, old and probably borken toys, movie posters, some drawings and a picture of an Asian baby with his family. Was he at Minho’s?

He stood up. He was relieved to see that he has wearing his clothes. The confusion he was feeling was dulling him so much that he didn’t repair on his headache. He got out of the room and looked both ways. Every door was open, but there was an absolute lack of silence.

When he was looking for the bathroom, he saw them. Minho and Newt. They were face down, with the sheets covering half their bodies. Nevertheless, he knew they were naked. One of Minho’s arms was enclosing Newt’s waist and holding him tight. If they could be any closer, one of them would be on top of the other.

Thomas frowned. He didn’t take long to walk away, still looking for the bathroom. He had violated their privacy. And worse, he had confirmed what he had been suspecting since the beginning of the evening, when Newt and Minho seemed to communicate only with looks. There was of course something else than friendship between them. And he was supposed to feel happy for them –for Newt–, but he simply couldn’t.

He washed his face and his mouth. He checked he had his phone, his wallet and his keys and left the flat, as silent as he could. How the hell, he thought on the bus on the way home, did he end up sleeping on Minho’s bedroom? Then, he remembered. They went to not one but two discos, and Minho and Newt had to help him get to the bed. He fell asleep at the moment he was covered with the blankets, so fortunately he didn’t hear Minho and Newt doing whatever was they did.

Once at his flat, he jumped into the bed and, coat included, he fell asleep again. He was sure he did it torturing himself mentally.


	5. Brenda

Thomas’ phone vibration woke him up. He rubbed his face while yawning and there, still face up, he looked for his phone on his coat, quicker as his worry increased. Was he late for work? What day was it? No, it was Saturday. He didn’t work on Saturdays.

He sat up and looked at the screen. Newt. They had finally exchanged their numbers the previous night. He picked up before it was too late. “Hey.” His voice was harsh, still sleepy.

“Hey, Tommy!” One could tell he was happy or at least he had a _good_ awakening. “So, how are you? We worried a lot when we didn’t see you here. When did you leave?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t look at the time.” Thomas turn to his nightstand. 15:10. It was late regardless of the time he left Minho’s house. “But I didn’t…”

“Shuck, at least leave a note, Tommy.” Newt reproached him, cutting Thomas off.

“I didn’t want to bother you!” Newt replied, talking louder than he wished. “Sorry, I didn’t… I was looking for the bathroom, your door… well, his door was open and I saw you there, on the bed… I don’t know, Newt, it just wasn’t my spot. Besides, I can’t remember anything from last night. But thank you for letting me stay there.”

“You were wasted. Like, I think you drank the whole bar.”

They both started to laugh. Then, Thomas stood up and started to take off his coat, boats and trousers.

“So, what do you think of him?” Newt asked, lowering his voice.

Did they know each other so much that Thomas could give his opinion about his… boyfriend? Best friend? Friend? No, one didn’t sleep with shirtless with his friends. Unless they were even drunker than him, which Thomas doubted.

“Thomas?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I like him, I guess. He’s nice. Not very friendly at first, though.”

“I know, he’s a bit difficult. But he likes you, believe me. One can notice when Minho likes you or not. Although…”

He shut up.

“What?”

“I’ll be right there!” His voice was muffled, so Newt figured he was talking to Minho. “Nothing. I gotta go. Do you want to go for a lunch on Monday? Just you and me.”

“Yeah, okay, I’ll confirm it tomorrow, anyway.”

“Okay, bye. See you, Tommy.”

“Bye.”

Thomas finished undressing and took his pyjamas. He got into the bath and started to shower, leaning himself on the wall. He was tired, although he was surprised not to have a hangover. Once he got out of the shower, he ate some salad and binge-watched some random show he had downloaded about vampires and other creatures.

 

It was Monday again. He thought he would be back on his routine (drawing, eating, maybe masturbating and sleeping), but he didn’t.

There was a new girl on the desk next to his. She had long, brown hair and dark eyes, full of mystery. She looked his age, although she was shorter than him. But what really surprised was the conversation she started on their ten-minute break.

“The coffee machine didn’t give me the change. Do I have to contact anyone, or…?”

“Oh, consider that… a donation.” Thomas laughed before he shook his head. “Sorry, I should’ve warned you. It works when it wants. In fact, I’m surprised it gave you the coffee. I’ve been here for only two weeks, but believe, it’s better if you have coffee on the canteen. It’s a bit more expensive, but definitely worthy.”

“Wow, thanks. I’ll do it then. I’m Brenda, by the way.” She took the coffee with her left hand and offered him her right hand.

Thomas shook it. “I’m Thomas. Nice to meet you. So, do you like it here for now?”

“It’s okay, yeah. To be honest, I was expecting more movement, but it could always be worse.”

“I know, they are not very friendly, at least with us the new ones. And they are way too focused on the work. I guess they want to get a promotion.” Which he totally understood.

“Well, as long as they pay me and take some of my projects, I’ll be happy whether I’m sitting here or in a private office.”

“Good luck with that.” He whispered after he sipped his coffee twice. “When they do… we’ll talk.”

He had been lucky, for on his fourth day his superiors had chosen his planes for a building containing only duplex. But then, of course, what he feared and the rumours he heard had become true: they did change stuff to make it their own. He didn’t want Brenda to feel that, but he guessed they all had to go through that bitter feeling on that business.

They went back to work and even though they only talked when they said goodbye, Thomas felt he could start a friendship with her and, well, go wherever it would take him. Newt was okay –much more than okay–, but he couldn’t live having him as his only friend.

He met Newt on a Japanese restaurant. He was terrible at eating with chopsticks so he was already expecting some joke from the blonde one.

“So, how was your morning?” Thomas asked once they were at the table, waiting for some noodles, soup and a dish of combined sushi such as tobiko, nigiri, temaki and ika, among others.

“Good. I’m doing my best to go to court and get some real practice. Apparently, they want fresh blood, so, you know, I have to try.”

“I’m sure you’ll make it.”

“And what about you?”

“Yeah, fine, as usual. There’s this new girl, Brenda. She seems nice. Like, I think she’s our age and she doesn’t seem rude or unpleasant. I’ll try to talk to her more, and, well…”

“Well…?” Newt leaned his head, grinning. “Don’t tell me now that you like her. You’re one of those who fall in love at first sight.”

“What the f… hell? No! Don’t be ridiculous. I just mean that we could be good friends. No offense, what it will be good to have friends that don’t live above me.”

Because what would be their friendship like when Newt’s flat got repaired? Would they be like those neighbours who saw each other almost every day and shared moments as if they were family? Thomas hoped they both did and not. His house was his personal space. He didn’t want to share it with someone longer than necessary.

“Okay, it was just an idea! But you should definitely go out with someone before everyone is taken. There were some girls looking at you on Saturday, even with your silly dance, but of course, you wouldn’t notice them. You were too busy drinking and being an idiot. But I gotta admit it, you dance so damn fine.”

And he did. Even when he was dancing in a ridiculous way, to mock those who danced seriously, he moved his hips as if he had been training for months, both rhythmically and sexy. Thomas wanted to answer him, but their food arrived. They started to eat, Thomas trying not to look like an idiot with the sticks.

“I’m not looking for anything, actually. I don’t even know if I’ll stay here for long. I could be fired tomorrow, in which case I’ll go back with my parents. If I start something serious with someone… I don’t want that kind of responsibility.”

“So are you just gonna wait? What if you stay here for ages and you haven’t done anything because of that dumb fear?” Newt answered him after quickly swallowing a salmon nigiri.

“That’s different. I mean, one can tell if you’re going to stay in a place for a long time or not. Right now, I don’t know it. And it’s not fear, but yeah, it scares me a bit to accommodate here just to be kicked out in a few months.”

“It’s not going to happen, Tommy, and you know it. Stop with the excuses. If you like her, go for it.”

“I don’t. And I just met her.” And he had just met Tommy when he started to simply feel things. Inexplicable things.

“Give it time. Believe me.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not that easy. Don’t pressure me.”

Newt raised his hands, claiming his innocence. “I’m not. It’s just an advice.”

They went on eating, talking about trivial stuff.

“So, who’s Minho? Really.” Thomas inquired when they were having a shot after dessert. Newt looked down and played with the glass, making it move between his hands. “Oh, come on. I know we’ve met for less than a month and we’ve seen each other three times, but… you can tell me.”

“If you know it, then why are you asking?”

“I’d like to have your confirmation. To hear you say it, at least.”

Newt drank from his liquor, still unable to say it out loud. His parents didn’t know, their co-workers didn’t know, some of his less close friends didn’t know — why did Thomas require to know it?

“Forget it. I just… I’m hap…”

“He’s my boyfriend, okay? He is. As you can understand, I wasn’t going to tell you that night. What if you were a homophobe? _Hey, I’m trying to call my boyfriend and then the friend who helped me come out to him and some other friends, if you don’t mind_.” He added, sarcastically.

“Do I look like one?” Thomas asked, worried.

“I don’t think they look alike. You know what I meant. I didn’t want to get beaten by you or even get killed.”

“Oh my god. You’re… unbelievable. If I ever say or do something homophobic, or racist, or sexist, just kill me. Or torture me the worse way you can.”

Newt laughed and relaxed.

“Okay, okay. Well, he is my boyfriend. Yeah, he is.”

“Then I’m happy for you.”

“And what I was trying to tell you on Saturday is… He… Well, Minho sees you as some kind of menace. He is stupid. I mean, he really likes you and thinks you are nice, even cute, but he is afraid you’re going to steal my heart. As if he could possess it.” Newt rolled his eyes and Thomas laughed nervously. He would definitely not want to fight Minho, not with his physique.

“That’s stupid.” He lied, both Newt and himself. But indeed, he had to stop at time. Erase those early feelings, if he ever could. “Tell him I’ll never try to steal you. Besides, you’re not a freaking object that could be stolen.”

“The problem is that he hasn’t said it. I met him too well. I know when he feels that way, and… I can’t help worrying about you.”

“I’ll be fine. Believe me.”

Thomas smiled at Newt, who smiled back.

“Do you want to come over? We can play some videogames, and Minho can come over too when he finishes work.” If you can't beat them, join them.

Newt nodded and he called Minho on their way to Thomas’ flat. Thomas was indeed scared. Was his crush on Newt so obvious? It couldn’t be. In fact, he had looked at Minho more than he had looked at Newt at that dinner, still fascinated by his body and his eyes and their expressivity. He definitely needed to get closer to Brenda and stay away from Newt and Minho. The last thing he would ever want was to get in the middle of a relationship such as theirs.


	6. Alby

One week later, Thomas finally met Alby. In the meantime, he started to talk to Brenda more often and they started to exchange basic information about their lives. Thomas wasn’t good at making friends, but he supposed that was the right way to do it. But when was he supposed to ask for her number? Or to have lunch with her? He wouldn’t want their friendship to be reduced to the workplace.

On Saturday morning, he received a call from Newt. He was cleaning the kitchen when he answered, and he put him on the speaker.

“Do you want to come home later? We can eat here and watch some movie. You’ll die when you taste Minho’s lasagne.”

“He’s exaggerating!”, Thomas could hear, and he couldn’t help laughing.

“If you don’t mind, I can go. Have you seen _The Godfather_?”

“Come on, Tommy, who hasn’t?”

“Hey, it was just an idea!”

 “And why don’t we go to the cinema? We can meet Alby when the movie’s over, he works until eight today.” Minho’s voice got clearer and louder as, Thomas figured, he closed his distance with Newt. He imagined them in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop, hugging each other.

“What do you say, Tommy? We could see that one about the mutants…”

“So, change of plans. Okay. What time do we meet there?”

“Let us check the hoarding… We could go at 17:30 and wait for Alby, couldn’t we?” Newt and Minho were talking to each other. Thomas could hear them kissing before Newt addressed him again. “So, Tommy, 17:30. We can meet there at five, what do you say? Alby works in a store nearby, so we can go for a walk when we get out.”

“Perfect. I’ll be there.” And he hang up.

He didn’t mean to be rude, but he felt he couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t mind couples kissing or doing whatever the hell couples did, but not on the phone. As if Minho was challenging him, reminding him every day that Newt was his and _only his_. Sometimes he wished Newt hadn’t told him about Minho’s jealousy.

 

He had enjoyed the movie, while Minho had loved it and Newt was disappointed. He was expecting even more action, which started a pseudo-argument about why Newt was wrong and Thomas and Minho weren’t.

When Thomas noticed, they were on the restaurant, waiting for Alby. The chair on his left was empty, and he would prefer to have Newt by his side and either Minho or Alby on the front, but who was he to complain?

Alby turned out to have the best from both Newt and Minho. He could be harsher than the latter but then recompense it with the niceness and cheerfulness of the former.

“So this is the greenie, huh? It was about time we met!”

He patted his back, something that Thomas actually hated, and he answered him with a short smile.

“Yes, shuck-face, at last!”

The three of them kept quiet before bursting into laughter. Thomas looked at all of them, frowning.

“Okay, okay…” Newt rubbed his weepy eyes, “it is time for you to know.”

They explained him their vocabulary, the way they invented new words to substitute the vulgar ones. They made it when they were younger, when they were in high school indeed, and even though they found it silly now they kept saying them. “As a tradition”, Alby added.

“Then it’s a honour that I can use them.” And he was serious. He was using a code invented by them for their own use. He felt like he was invading them, but as long as they were fine with it, he would be as well.

Minho was quieter than the day they met. Maybe he had finally discovered that Thomas was everything but a menace, or maybe the presence of Alby calmed him. Either way, the _only_ good thing about it is that Thomas was able to speak with all of them and he felt included in the conversation, in their _universe_.

“Thomas! What are you doing here!?” A feminine voice silenced them all. They were finishing the milkshakes they had ordered as dessert. Thomas had recognised it just by hearing his name. He stood up, with a smile brightening his face.

“Brenda! What a surprise. Here, let me introduce you to…”

“No work talk, okay!?” Newt pointed at them with a grin on his face.

“Ignore him” Thomas recommended while rolling his eyes, “I think the milkshake made him drunk. These are Newt, and Minho and Alby.”

After introducing herself to them, she step aside and they noticed the man they had ignored until then. He was older than all of them, maybe he was in his thirties. Was he her brother?

“This is Jorge.”

“Nice to meet you all” He introduced himself while shaking everyone’s hands. “But we should be going now, shouldn’t we, Brenda?”

“Yes, indeed. But” She faced the four boys, especially Thomas, who was still standing up, “promise me that we’ll meet one day. Thomas hasn’t even said a word about you. I’ll kill him on Monday.”

Thomas exhaled, faking anger. She hadn’t been very talkative either when it came to her personal life.

“That’s my excuse for not going to work this Monday. Guys, you are my witnesses.”

After they shared a moment of laughter, Brenda and Jorge said goodbye and left. Once Thomas sat again, he ran his left hand on his hair.

“The famous Brenda…” Newt kicked him under the table to make Thomas look at him, and he winked him. “Is that her boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. Was she? What do you guys think? She… They seemed pretty close, right?”

“Hey, Romeo, relax. He could be his brother.”

“Don’t call me Romeo.” Thomas gave Minho a look that could have killed someone.

“Calm down, Tommy. Why are you like this, all of a sudden?”

He didn’t know what to answer. He felt selfish. He was bisexual, although he had never said it out loud and even though his only experiences with girls had been kisses, and he had thought that maybe he had a chance with Brenda after discarding Newt. But what if both of them were taken? Had he really seen them as potential boyfriend and girlfriend? No, it couldn’t be it. He would make out with them, definitely, but there was something else.

Fear of being alone.

“It’s nothing, I just… do you think I should go on a date with her? Or have lunch with her and try to find out who he is?”

“If you like her, why not?” Alby talked for the first time in a while, turning his face to see Thomas.

Thomas nodded while he stirred his milkshake with the straw. “I’ll keep you informed. Can we change the subject now?”

“Yeah, let’s talk about Alby’s girlfriend. Is she still Alma, or have you changed already?”

 

After that night, his life started to change. Three months went by in which he was getting closer and closer to both Brenda and Newt. He started to trust Minho and Alby more, and he even talked to the former on the phone when Newt was out. He could finally say that he had friends and a potential girlfriend, if everything turned out okay.

But of course, there were also mistakes. Rectifiable stuff. There were random nights when he dreamt of Newt. At the beginning of the dream, Newt was on his bed, covered with thousands of silk sheets. When he finally pushed them all aside, Newt’s naked body, which of course he had never seen, was waiting for him. And by the time they kissed, Thomas was already naked. But just as he started to kiss his chest, to stimulate his nipples, two more Newts appeared on the bed. As he kept going down, they transformed into both Minho and Alby, who in an attempt to protect Newt from him made him bleed, scratching his chest and abdomen as if they were feeding on him. Seconds before he woke up, sweating like he would sweat on a summer day at three in the afternoon, Newt morphed into Brenda, who was crying and crying with no explanation for Thomas.

He ignored the dreams. He didn’t talk to anyone about them. But of course, he was afraid of what they could mean, of what his subconscious was trying to tell him, to warm him from. What he ignored is that it was simple and pure desire, desire he was finding difficult to supply because of his inexplicable and illogical fear.


	7. Churros

It had been three months in which Thomas had ignored his dreams.

They were officially a gang. They hung out together every weekend they could and week by week confidence grew stronger. The four of them started to morph into one, each with their differences and their secrets, of course. Then, there was Brenda. She didn’t have a lot of friends either and when she wasn’t with Jorge, she also hung out with them. Minho started to refer to her as ‘not-so-future Thomas’ girlfriend’. Thomas, of course, would get angry whenever he said it and Newt would be the one who reconciled them.

“We should make a trip. And Jorge can come, of course.” Alby broke the silence. They were all at Newt’s, celebrating that it had just been restored from the fire. Minho stopped eating the vanilla ice cream from his bowl and glanced at Thomas, who shrugged. They still didn’t know if Jorge was her boyfriend or not.

“Where to?”, was what Newt asked quickly when he noticed his boyfriend and his now definitely best friend looking at each other and taking advantage of Brenda swallowing a piece of cake.

“Who cares? The destination doesn’t matter, we do. Like, I don’t know, we should be happy and thankful for this three months together!”

“Shucking idiot.” Thomas whispered with a smile.

“I don’t know if Jorge will want to come. He has barely seen you, guys, and… well, he’s a difficult man.”

“Yeah, well, you know how to control him, don’t you?” Minho leaned forward to leave his bowl on the coffee table and look closer at Brenda’s eyes. Alby was grinning because he already knew what Minho was up to.

“I… what? Yeah, I’ve known him for a long now, if that’s what you mean. I’ll tell it to him, but I don’t assure you anything.”

“Well, I’m sure you can convince him…” Minho’s lips were decorated with a slight naughty smile.

“More cake?” Thomas asked suddenly. Only Newt extended his bowl, where there were still some leftovers of his ice cream. The others just shook their heads. Thomas sliced two pieces of cake and put one of them on Newt’s dish and the other one on his own.

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Minho, but stop it. You don’t know him.”

“All I’m saying is that, as he is your boyfriend…”

Thomas blushed, and he inclined his head and looked at his piece of cake to hide it. Minho was being serious. But Brenda didn’t let him finish.

“My what? Who told you that? Better said, where did you get that from? Thomas, did you tell them anything?”

The aforesaid raised his head again, trying to look offended.

“Me? Why the heck would I tell them that? Besides, it’s all Minho’s fault. He thinks Jorge is your boyfriend and you don’t let him come to these get-togethers because I” he quickly added, “… or Alby will get jealous of it.”

Alby was hiding his laughter behind his glass of coke and Minho would be lying on the ground, laughing harder than ever, if he wasn’t so ready to argue with Thomas for blaming him. Newt was staring at Thomas — it was funny, the way his face was getting redder and redder, but he was also worried about him.

“No!” Minho even stood up. “It’s not that! It’s just obvious. You two together on a restaurant, you never bringing him here, you not coming here because you are at his house… Come on, Brenda, you can say it. Newt and I told you about us almost two months ago. There’s enough trust in the group to tell us that sort of things…”

Brenda stood up and one could dare to say that she was about to fight Minho. But she just stood there, his hands in fists.

“I didn’t tell you because he’s not my boyfriend! Boys and girls can be friends, okay? He’s a decent man. He’s like my brother, for fuck’s sake!”

“Language!” Both Alby and Newt shouted, at the same time, before starting to laugh. Brenda was the only one who didn’t use their words and the only one who really swore.

“I don’t care! Minho, you are a jerk! Not every boy wants to sleep with me, okay? With a girl, in general. Friendship exists.”

Thomas stood up seconds before Brenda jumped Alby, who was sitting on the floor. She went to the dining table, where all their coats and her handbag were. Thomas followed her after he threatened Minho and Alby by crossing his own neck with a finger. “I’ll kill you,” he mouthed.

Thomas stopped Brenda at the hall, placing his left hand on the door to stop her from opening it.

“Don’t listen to them. They are idiot, you already know that.”

“Minho’s gone too far. Does… does Jorge look like my boyfriend?” Thomas could notice the worry that invaded her voice.

Thomas shook his head, although it took him some seconds. “No, of course not. But you know, people assume a girl and a boy are a couple if they are seen together. As you said, friendship between men and women exist. Not everyone wants to go to bed with you. With girls, I mean.”

Brenda smiled, although she was reluctant to do it.

“Thomas, I have to go. It’s not very comfortable for me now. I’ll apologise to them tomorrow, but Minho has to do it too.

“We haven’t even taken out the drinks. Come on, just an hour. Nothing more.”

“I’m sorry, Thomas. I’ll see you on Monday.”

She took his wrist and separated his hand from the door. Thomas looked down. “Okay, bye”, he mumbled. When the door closed, he sighed. A deep sigh. Then he rubbed his temples and went back to the living room.

“She’s gone. Congratulations, Minho! Why didn’t you just tell her that I like her? You were being a klunk, so what mattered to prove it just a bit more?”

“Tommy, relax. He did it with good intentions, and you know it.”

“Yeah, Newt, that’s the worst part of it. That he has good intentions, but not everyone sees it like that. Anyway, Minho, I hope you apologise to her tomorrow. It’s the least you can do. And Alby… next time, laugh freely. Don’t hide.”

The night went on. They were going to play Never Have I Ever, but their moods were off so they just put an erotic film which Thomas didn’t enjoy at all and they drank. Of course, Minho would sleep at Newt’s, and Alby was starting to complain.

“I can’t… hear me! I can’t-go-home… like this…”

He was drunk, very drunk. He talked looking at Thomas, who understood the hint.

“Yeah, you can sleep on my couch.” He declared with a sigh.

They said goodbye at 04:30 and Alby helped Alby down the stairs. Thomas fell asleep so quickly that he didn’t even noticed Alby vomiting for ten minutes.

 

The doorbell woke him up. By the perseverance which they rang with, he assumed they were Newt and Minho. He put on a pair of trousers and scratching his head, mussing his dark hair, he opened the door.

“It’s you, of course. Come in. Alby is still…” He hadn’t looked at the sofa when he walked by the living room to get the door. He turn to see it empty. He frowned and went to the kitchen. After a laugh, he finished his sentence: “… asleep.” Alby was sleeping with his head on the table and a cup of thick cereals which had absorbed all the milk.

Minho patted Alby’s back a few times, rhythmically. “Time to wake up, Al. Come on. We bought some churros!”

Alby woke up and looked at the three of them with a big yawn. “Oh, I hate it when you two have sex. I can see it in your face, you know?”

Ten minutes later they were all sitting on the kitchen table, with a hot chocolate and a tray full of churros.

“Brighton. That’s where we should go.”

“Oh, enough with the trip, Alby. We all know it was a joke.” Minho had one hand under the table. It was obvious that it was resting on one of Newt’s thighs, for he would smile once in a while and even sitting up on the chair.

“It wasn’t. Trips make people closer. We are close enough to make and trip and become even closer!”

“That’s stupid. Trips separate people because after two days they can’t stand being together for twenty four hours.”

“You almost live with Newt.” Thomas added. If they weren’t so focused on their breakfast, they would have noticed the jealousy that invaded Thomas’ voice.

“That’s different. We have sex.” And Newt jumped on the chair, blushing. Thomas had never seen him blush, but he understood what was happening. Minho had placed his hand on his groin, and Newt got scared because he wasn’t expecting it. Not in front of Alby and Thomas. Was Minho trying to make him jealous in purpose? Thomas looked at his coffee. Newt hit Minho on the arm and he finally put it on the table, where it should have been from the beginning.

“I’m in. For the trip. Let’s do it.” Everyone stared at Thomas. He raised his head and looked right at Minho’s eyes. “But you have to apologise to Brenda. No excuses and no buts. You do it and you two will come to Brighton. Don’t, and you stay here. That way you can fuck wherever and whenever you want, with no one looking.”

Thomas stood up and poured his coffee into the sink. He left the cup there and went into the bathroom. After he locked the door, he sat on the toilet’s cover, where he hid his face in his hands. He was acting stupid. Besides, he really wanted to date Brenda. So, even if Jorge travelled with them, he would try to ask her out. That way he would finally forget about Newt and maybe his nightmares would finally disappear.


	8. Brigthon

They arrived at Brighton on Friday evening.

That same morning, Minho had phoned Brenda and apologised to her. She also apologised to Minho for her behaviour, and in a few hours, when they were fully recovered from the hangover, they started to plan the trip. Thomas had a hard time believing it was true even when they booked the rooms of the inn they would stay in. But he needed some fresh air.

Three weeks went on. Thomas and Brenda picked Jorge up in the office he worked at and they all met at Alby’s house. He had rented a van and those with a license would rotate to drive it. Ahead of them awaited five hours of travel. Jorge was being very talkative, which all of the boys appreciated. They had misjudged him. Although he barely revealed any personal information for them, and besides, there were still three days for them to change their minds again.

Once they arrived, they took their bags and left them in the rooms. Thomas, Newt, Minho and Alby would share one. Brenda and Jorge would sleep on the one next to theirs. Thomas couldn’t help thinking that there was definitely something going on between them even though Brenda denied it. Why wouldn’t she share her room with one of them? The answer, like a whisper on the back of his mind, was clear: there wasn’t enough confidence between them yet.

The first thing they did was walk along the promenade. It was windy, and the sea was too rough to even think about swimming. Thomas took out his phone and started taking pictures of the sea and the Brighton Pier, although he felt a bit silly because he was the only one doing it.

“Have you ever been here before?”, he asked to no one in particular.

“I have, when I was very little. I barely remember anything, to be honest,” Jorge told them, and then he pointed at the rollercoaster of the pier. “Although I remember having a horrible time there. I hate rides, and I think that one is the main reason.”

“Oh, come on, that’s nothing. I have been in ones far worse. You chicken”, Minho kicked his side, and even though Jorge was smiling, it was an uncomfortable smile. But Thomas understood that Minho was trying to get along with him.

Half an hour later they stopped at a kiosk on the same promenade. They ordered hamburgers with chips and sat there to eat it. Conversations were banal, but at least no one seemed to be uncomfortable. They visited the centre of the town after having dinner before, more tired than they thought so, they returned to their rooms. Thomas fell asleep at the minute he covered himself with the blankets.

 

He woke up suddenly, with his heart beating faster than ever. Minho had brought the speakers and had played one of the songs he used to play while training. What he didn’t expect was seeing Minho exercising there, with a comb and a towel on the floor to substitute a mat. Alby also woke up like him, and he even threw a cushion at Minho, yelling how much he hated him.

Thomas rubbed his face and stood up. He took some clean boxers and headed straight to the bathroom. He found Newt drying himself with a towel.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” Thomas could feel his face blushing. He closed the door, quickly and with some violence. He noticed Minho’s and Alby’s eyes on his nape. “Why didn’t you tell me it was busy, you idiots?”

“I thought… you’d… figure it… out! Newt’s bed… is empty… and the water… was rushing…” Minho answered him between the jumps he was making.

“What time did you wake up? How…” he stopped talking to yawn, returning to his bed, “how can you be so active? It’s only 8 a.m.”

“He has to train every day, Thomas. It’s his lifestyle. But the truth is… I think he dies if he doesn’t sweat. Instead of breathing oxygen, he need to sweat! That’s why he smells so bad!” Alby shouted, and threw another cushion at Minho.

Newt stepped out of the bathroom, with the towel around his waist. Thomas felt butterflies in his stomach. He had seen him like that the first day they met, but it was different. Now Thomas looked at him with desire, not only curiosity. And he shouldn’t.

“Sorry about that, Newt. I thought it was empty.”

“Don’t worry. At least I wasn’t doing anything… _handy_.” And he looked sideways to Alby. Thomas rushed into the bathroom. He preferred not to know if Alby had been touching himself in the same room they were.

He took a short shower and brushed his teeth. After drying up he put on the inn’s bath robe. He was confident with himself and he wasn’t ashamed of his body, but he felt like he belonged to a minor league than the other boys even with Newt being thinner than him.

“Does he do this all mornings?” he whispered at Newt, whose bed was besides his own.

Newt only nodded. Then he shrugged. “You get used to it…”

“Is everything okay?”

“What? Oh, yes… It’s just that I didn’t think he would do it here. I apologise in his name for this.”

“Don’t worry. Besides, it’s better if we wake up early. By the way, look yourself in the mirror.”

Newt frowned and entered the bathroom even though Alby was in it, ready to take a shower. The blonde one returned to his bed while rolling his eyes. He had worn his T-shirt inside out.

“But everything is okay. Of course.” Thomas whispered high enough so that Newt could hear him. He felt Newt’s gaze — he was looking at him accusingly, but he didn’t reply. Was Newt tired of Minho’s routine? He wanted to talk to him, to enjoy some time for the both of them, like the old times, when Thomas wasn’t part of their lives, when he was _exclusive_ , somehow.

Thomas sat on his bed once he was dressed up, with a pair of jeans and a basic red T-shirt with a bit of V-neck. He was looking at his phone, trying to ignore Minho and Alby dressing in front of him without any shyness. He was jealous of Newt, for he could enjoy a body such as Minho’s — and god, he was even more jealous of Minho for enjoying Newt's one. He scratched his forehead. He had to stop thinking about that sort of stuff. He liked Newt (a lot) and he liked Brenda (not so much, but still), but that was it. Minho was just a friend, no matter how hot he was.

They met Brenda and Jorge at the inn’s café and they ordered breakfast. Minho had some whole grains with soy milk; Brenda ordered a typical British breakfast; Jorge barely ate a toast and drank a coffe; Alby ordered all the bakery he could; Newt ate two bowls of chocolate cereals; and Thomas stack faithful to his croissants with a coffee with cream. They also ordered a lot of sandwiches and some sodas to the trip they had planned.

That Saturday morning, the group visited Devil’s Dyke and then they went to the Seven Sisters, where they ate their lunch and spent almost all the afternoon. The sun setting on the horizon was giving the world an orange tone. Thomas was sitting near the edge of one of the cliffs, admiring the views and taking some pictures.

“Brenda and Jorge had gone to the beach, down there,” a voice startled him. He looked up to face Newt. “Can I sit? Alby and Minho are playing over there.”

“Of course you can, you don’t have to ask.” Thomas enjoyed loneliness, but he would never say no to Newt. While the aforesaid sat down, he turned his head and saw Minho and Alby rolling on the ground. After a few seconds, Alby managed to stop and sat on Minho’s abdomen before he started to punch him.

“They are not actually fighting. They enjoy to pretend they do. It’s some kind of training, you know, without getting tired or anything.”

“Oh, I see.”

“When are you gonna tell Brenda?”

“I don’t know. Jorge is always with her. And… I don’t know if she likes me that much, Newt. I can’t imagine what my days will be like when I have to see her at work after getting a no.”

“Don’t be so melodramatic, Tommy. She likes you. She is different with you, we have all noticed.”

“That’s because I’ve known her for more time than you. She is nice to everyone.”

“Tommy… I know what I’m talking about. Don’t be an idiot, take your chance. If she says no, then you’ll be friends. That’s it.”

“Anyways, I was thinking… I’ll tell her to go for a walk later. Without Jorge. Just… the two of us. You guys be nice to him in the meantime, okay?”

“We are saints, Tommy, you know it.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, although it was impossible for him to hide his smile, and looked at the horizon again. The sun was starting to hide behind the skyline, and the orange was merging into a reddish colour that would later be substituted by a purple one.

“Are you okay with Minho?” Thomas couldn’t control his mouth. He was willing to ask him about his relationship with Minho. Newt was smiling far less than he used to when he had met Minho, and that worried Thomas.

Newt kept silence. If they had been in a soundproof room, Thomas would have heard him gulping. Newt trusted Thomas, but his feelings were a mess. He opened and closed his mouths a few times, looking for the right words.

“I am. Don’t worry about that. But… we are starting to grow apart. Very slowly. We argue about things we wouldn’t before, and he is more irascible than ever. He’s very… possessive.”

“That’s not good, Newt. And that’s not my definition of being okay. Possessive people are the worst. You can’t be with someone like that. You don’t deserve it.” Who was he to say what Newt deserved and not? Thomas had started to see him somewhat fragile. His limp made him worry even more about him, and one night he had a terrible thought: what if the limp had been made by Minho? Had they fought so much that Newt got his limp? He dismissed the idea quickly. Minho was a good person and he loved Newt, he wouldn’t be capable of doing such a thing. But what if…? «No, Thomas. Stop it», he reprimanded himself.

“But we love each other, Tommy. It’s… time does these things to partners. We are slowly turning into parents.” Newt joked with a fake laugh.

“You know you can talk to me, right? I mean like this. Alone. We don’t hang out alone anymore.”

“I thought you wanted some friends. Don’t you like them?”

“Of course I do, don’t misunderstand me. But… remember that crazy night, with the chocolate? I miss something like that. I thank you for introducing me to Alby and Minho, but I value our friendship a bit more for obvious reasons.”

“Translation: you want to enjoy my terrible qualities as a tour guide.”

“That’s right.”

They started to laugh and Thomas interrupted the conversation to take some more pictures. He stared at his phone, seeing his own reflection. Then he turned and looked at Newt. He raised the phone.

“We should take a picture.”

“Oh… well… okay.”

“Only if you want to,” Thomas quickly added when he saw him hesitating.

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t take much pictures of myself. Minho likes to take selfies and such, but not me.”

Thomas waited until Newt moved closer. When their elbows touched, Newt raised his left arm and surrounded Thomas’ shoulders with it. Thomas raised his left arm with his phone and imitated Newt with the right one. The difference was that he enclosed his sides, not his shoulders. He took a couple of pictures while smiling.

“Thank you.” Thomas murmured after separating, and put his phone away on his pocket.

“You can even upload it to Instagram if you want.”

“Really? Wow, okay. Thanks again.”

They smiled at each other. There was no need to remind themselves that the other one would be there for the other whenever he needed. This, of course, didn’t soothe Thomas’ feelings, but he didn’t care. If Brenda accepted, he would forget about Newt – it was the most logical thing! But didn’t that turn Brenda into his second choice? Would he really enjoy his relationship with her, if she ever accepted? Why was it so difficult to forget Newt and focus on Brenda? Why couldn’t he have something with both of them? But Newt didn’t seem the I’m-into-polyamorous-relationships guy.

 

 After having dinner in a Brazilian restaurant, Thomas took his chance when they were all standing up and wearing their coats. “Can we go for a walk later?”, he asked Brenda, who nodded with a not-so-hidden smile. “Alone,” he forced himself to clarify, and she nodded again.

They went to the beach while the other boys bought some hot chocolate to drink it in their way to the inn. Their steps weren’t measured, so there was no silence when they stopped talking – the sound of pebbles moving under their feet would fill the air.

“Are you enjoying the trip? I really wanted you to come. Maybe the other ones don’t show it, but we are proud to have you in the gang. Really.”

“I am, and thank you for inviting me. Don’t worry, I feel accepted. Sometimes Minho gets on my nerves, but the rest is fine. Do you know what happened to Newt?”

Thomas shook his head. “I’m afraid to ask. I feel like it’s too much personal, and I prefer to hear it from him, when he is ready to tell me.” Which could also be understood as «I won’t tell it to you if he tells me.» Because he appreciated Newt a lot. He couldn’t do that to him.

“I understand. It must be difficult, to live like this.”

“I think he takes it with pride. He isn’t ashamed, at least that I know.”

“Wouldn’t he walk with a crane or something, if he felt so confident about it?”

Thomas stayed silent. He had never seen it that way. Then he shrugged and shook his hand. “Maybe it’s not that grave.”

“And what do you think of Jorge? He’s nice, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he turned out to be nicer than we thought he’d be. Don’t judge us, he seemed so… serious and mature, you know?”

“He’s only like that on the outside. He’s actually like a child.”

“How long have you known him for?”

Brenda looked at the dark sky, mouthing some numbers. “Almost my whole life. He was my neighbour, and he took care of me when my parents went out. We got alone so well that when he moved out, we kept meeting and seeing each other. We call each other brother and sister and people believe us, so.” She shrugged, only one shoulder, and smiled. Then she faced Thomas. “Do you have any siblings?”

Thomas shook his head. “My parents thought it was enough with me. I used to be pretty naughty. My passion for architecture started when I was very young, and every weekend I would play with every toy block I had and made the most bizarre buildings you can think of. I once made a maze that took up half of the living room. I didn’t dismantle it until my parents resolved it with some action figures.”

He couldn’t help laughing at the memory of it. He missed those times, although he enjoyed his freedom in town and didn’t actually miss being on the village with people who weren’t interesting enough to attract him.

“Oh, that’s cute. I would have disinherited you, but that’s cute.”

They stopped laughing after a few minutes. They were giggly and would spread their laughter to each other. They sat near the shore, and Thomas took some wet stones to play with.

“So… would you… are you…?” He instantly shut up. He was being foolish.

Brenda didn’t say anything. He felt her eyes on the side of his face while he leaned to take some more pebbles. Maybe, he thought, she was waiting for him to say it, and that’s why she didn’t ask what he was talking about. He gulped and distracted himself throwing the flattest stones at the water to try to make them bounce.

“Do you want to go out with me?”

“What? We’re already out, Thomas.” He turned his face and looked at Brenda with one eyebrow raised. Her cheeks were shaking, as if she was holding her laugh.

“Oh, you know what I’m talking about…” He complained, feeling a hot wave going up through his chest to his face. He knew he had instantly blushed.

“Of course I want to go out with you. It was about time you asked…”

Thomas smiled and leaned towards her. They started to kiss, lying on the pebbles even though they were the most uncomfortable surface on the world at that moment.

“So why didn’t you ask?” Thomas inquired, curious.

“Oh, it was more fun to see you suffering to ask it. You could have asked it at work, or even with Jorge. He knows I like you, like a lot.”

Thomas smiled. All his worries seemed to fly, including Newt. He was there, on a beach, even though it was cold, making out with Brenda without giving a damn about anything else.

When their lips got red and a bit swollen, Thomas placed his forehead against Brenda’s. “We should get back now.” She just nodded and stole another kiss from him before standing up. They held hands all the way to the inn.

 

They didn’t make it official on Sunday, which turned out to be a normal day. They walked around the town and on the afternoon they went to the beach on the west side, far past the West Pier where there was no one walking.

Of course, Thomas had told the boys when he arrived at the room, and he was sure Brenda had told Jorge. They patted him on the back and congratulated him –with some «I told you» murmured on the way–, and once they got into their beds, they asked him how it had been like. As he told them, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Newt, who was lying beside Minho looking not at Thomas but at the wall behind him, his eyes lost.

But there was no need to rush, they both thought. They would make it official in the proper time.

Minho, Alby and Jorge swam in their underwear when the clouds separated and let the sun bathe the city. It was still cold for Thomas, and he decided to stay with Newt, who didn’t feel like swimming with such temperature and with no towel, and with Brenda, who confessed them she didn’t like neither the beach nor swimming pools too much.

“So you won’t go to Alby’s house on summer? He has a pool and does the best barbeques on the world.”

“If there’s food, there I am. No, but seriously, I’ll go, but I won’t bathe. And don’t trick me into doing it.”

He looked at Thomas more than Newt when he said it, and he just shrugged, hiding a grin. He wouldn’t force her to do anything she didn’t want to, but Minho… he was starting to see the image: the Asian holding the brunette against his body and running into the pool not to throw her at the water but to jump in with her.

He went back to reality with a shiver. Alby was wetting him by opening and closing his hands in front of his face to splash him. “Idiot”, he mumbled while he kicked him with one feet. He was trying not to look at his body. Alby used to wear looser clothes than Minho, which hid his actual physic. He wasn’t as marked as Minho, but his arms looked like two perfectly shaped and then painted marble stones crowned by his broad shoulders, as hard and marked as his biceps and pectorals, the most remarkable attribute of his torso. Thomas figured that he didn’t have to train a lot to have that body – that his anatomy had a propensity to be muscular whereas Minho had to train hours to achieve that muscular body. He couldn’t help getting jealous. His arms were muscular, his body was slim but well defined, but how he wished he had that torsos. Of course, Brenda would think he was an idiot the day he’d tell it to her.

The journey back home was peaceful, and whoever wasn’t driving would sleep. Alby drove everyone to their houses –Newt would stay at Minho’s, of course– and he would return the car the following morning.

Thomas had finished the trip with a new girlfriend and a picture with Newt — which sounded foolish, but it was important to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, long chapter, I know, but I didn't want to divide the trip into more than one chapter.  
> xx


	9. Webcam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: smut in this chapter (m/m sex, masturbation).

His routine started to change. He didn’t see Minho, Newt and Alby so frequently, spending that time with Brenda and getting to know Jorge even more. There was no doubt, not anymore: he was a very nice guy.

He hadn’t forgotten about his friends, of course, and they usually spoke at nights, but they all understood they had to move on. Thomas didn’t want to be like Alby, so close to Minho and Newt that the three seemed a couple and not just Newt and Minho.

They kept asking him about the sex. “Oh, it’s good,” Thomas used to answer them, “not like the best sex of the universe –not that I’m an expert!–, but I love it. Because I don’t care how it is, what matter is that I do it with her.”

“Oh, how romantic... I bet it’s the greatest thing in the world but you’re too modest to tell us about it”, was all that Minho would answer almost every time.

But there hadn’t been any sex. At least not penetration. He had masturbated Brenda a couple of times, when it was past midnight and they were tired of watching movies, and she had masturbated him as well, but that was all. He wanted to go further, and he was sure she wanted to go further, but neither of them did or said anything. Of course they didn’t have to say anything to begin with, but when they started it seemed difficult to continue. So Thomas had started to get used to masturbation and nothing else. But then he would think, a bit desperate, that he could do that being single. Of course, Brenda’s hand was softer than his and her fingers knew better than his own how to give him pleasure, but still.

He wanted to talk with Newt about it, but only with Newt. Both of them in a café or one of their flats, spending the afternoon with just irrelevant conversations –except for that one, of course–. He trusted him, but, even if he hated himself for thinking that, he didn’t trust him enough to be sure that he wouldn’t tell Minho –and Minho, Alby– about it.

What if he hadn’t helped Minho that night? What if Newt had just stayed as his neighbour crush and nothing else? Well, he wouldn’t have them as friends, but his thing with Brenda would remain the same, wouldn’t it? But then again, he loved them too much to even think about getting rid of them.

That Friday they had been binge-watching the second part of _The Get Down_. Just when Thomas was about to make dinner, she looked at her phone and started to apologise. “It’s Jorge’s mother birthday and they’re waiting for me to have dinner. I’m so sorry, Tom, I… you can come, if you want.”

“What!? No, no. I mean, I would go for you, but… I don’t know them. And yes, I like Jorge and he likes me, but I think this is too much. Just… have fun, okay?”

“Thank you.” And she kissed her goodbye. She didn't insist, and Thomas thought that in fact she didn't want him to come. That she had just asked for cortesy.

At least she could have told him before. He took his phone and started to text Newt. _Hey, I’ve been dump. Do you want to come over and have dinner? Just you_. He deleted it instantly. Wasn’t that too selfish? _Hey, everything ok?_ He deleted it again. He didn’t want to disturb their night. _I missed you_ , he wanted to type, but he didn’t even try. That would be odd even though he did miss him.

He heated a pre-cooked lasagne and ate it watching a werewolf show that was so full of homoerotic subtext that he was starting to think that the creator wanted to make a werewolf-themed porn video saga but the studios didn’t let him. The show was good, but he missed something. Maybe the porn? He laughed at himself for that idea.

He almost finished the first season when he realised it was 2 a.m. He went to his bedroom and once he was in the bed, he couldn’t sleep. He was still thinking in that stupid show. «Shit, I need to watch some porn right now.» But he didn’t. Brenda had taught him, in an awkward conversation he didn’t even want to recall, that porn –both straight and lesbian– was actually sexist. He wondered if gay porn was too, but he didn’t dare to ask.

He then decided what to do. His erection was now unavoidable and hard to ignore. He could use his imagination, of course, but he felt stupid when he jerked off with his eyes closed even when most people did it. He needed to see something.

So he took his phone and unlocked his phone. He opened the browser. He looked at the white and empty screen for a few seconds which seemed like an eternity. «Am I really doing this?», he thought while he typed _free webcam sex_. He wouldn’t participate, of course. He would just watch.

He took of his pyjamas T-shirt, just in case, and moved the sheets away so that he didn’t stain them. Then he pulled his pants down to his knees. He felt like a teenager. Of course he masturbated now that he wasn’t a teenager, but the situation itself felt different. Like a full-of-puberty-hormones teenager.

He scrolled through the main page, but nothing appealed him. He then clicked on the couples tag. He looked at the thumbnails and decided to open marriedforeightyears’ channel. The couple, who looked in their thirties, were fucking on the sofa — the woman was riding the man, sometimes turning to look right to the camera with a grin. Thomas started to masturbate with that live recording, but it ended up being boring.

He went back to the couples section and kept on scrolling. There were some lesbian and gay couples, but he wasn’t interested in them. Expect for one. After masturbating to a couple in their twenties, who had been brave enough to do oral sex in their balcony, he opened Newho’s channel. He was dreaming. He had to be dreaming. That wasn’t real.

His erection vibrated when he saw Minho’s face going up and down a thick but long cock decorated with some blonde pubic hair. Thomas’ heart started to beat so quickly and violently that he thought it would break his ribs. That hair could only belong to one person, and of course, he had seen that flat but strong abdomen before.

He turned up the volume. His bedroom filled with some low but intense moans. He spit in his right hand and started to masturbate, imagining, for a slight moment, that he was there. He was jerking off so quick that he had to slow down, afraid that he would break his wrist or come too fast. Thomas felt a drop of precum sliding down his cock, but he didn’t even mind to clean it or use it as lubricant. He was too concentrated on the video.

One hand took Minho’s hair and pulled him up. They started to kiss off camera, only their chins and part of their mouths visible. Thomas was able to see Newt’s tongue exploring Minho’s mouth with a touch of lewdness that only made one thought clearer: he wished to be Minho.

They stopped to type something, Thomas could figure it out for the sound that filled the room. Seconds later, a message popped up asking for petitions and some kind of coins for it. The brunette one thought of creating an account, but he didn’t know how many of that coins he would have at first, if they even gave some to the new users. «I could always get some by filming myself…» But that was stupid. No one would see him. But how wrong he was.

Indeed, the idea of having control over them, even if it was just an illusion –he assumed that, in the end, they would do it either way, coins or not, live or not, because their erections meant so–, turned him on. «Rim Minho», he could type after giving them some of that virtual money. But someone else did it for him. He didn’t know, but the chat was actually full of people: 401, exactly. And counting.

 _Rim the blondie and fuck him!!!_ , one message read.

 _You’re so hot, I’d fuck the blonde boy every day_ , said another one.

_Do you do threesomes?_

_How old are you boys? So hot, omg_

_Rim the skinny one and fuck him. No condom_ , some random guy with an obscene username asked after giving them 600 of that fake money.

Thomas opened his mouth. He forgot about his erection, about how he wanted to be Minho –or even Newt, he didn’t care right now–, and was fascinated by the idea of how that things worked. Could that be exchangeable for real money? Or, worse, would they actually do what they asked for that 600 coins?

His question was answered when he stop wandering, when his cock was aching for the lack of attention. Yes, they would. Newt was already lying on his four, his head out of camera, and Minho leaned before his back. He spread his buttocks and started to rim him, moving his head up and down a few centimetres in an attempt to cover more space than just his butthole. But a few minutes later he just focused on his butthole, using both of his fingers along with his tongue.

Thomas had started to masturbate again, slowly. His hand went up and down his erection, pressing his fingers whenever he reached the base of his glans. More precum slid out of him, on his hand, but he kept going.

Minho spanked Newt’s left buttock a couple of times. Newt’s moan made him shiver and made his skin crawl, all of it because of the accumulated pleasure in his body. He ignored the chat, and everyone who enjoyed the transmission did. There only appeared obscene messages that no one even bothered to reply.

A few minutes later, Thomas increased the speed. Minho’s cock was sliding inside Newt, who had turned the body a few centimetres so that everyone behind their screens could see his hole. Minho entered him almost without any problem — Thomas wouldn’t be surprised if at that late hours they had already fucked before that night.

Newt tried to move away and an uncomfortable gasp escaped from his throat when Minho continued penetrating him there were his tongue of his fingers hadn’t reached. He was shorter than Newt, but thicker. The Asian boy placed his free hand in one of Newt’s shoulders so that he couldn’t escape. Then came the slow thrusts. With every second, their bodies seemed to fit perfectly. Minho increased the speed of his thrusts, filling the air with the sound that his strong and hard thighs made when they impacted against Newt’s firm butt.

Minho looked at the screen and he even stopped to scroll through the chat. Then the same user took advantage of that moment of distraction.

 _Cum on his chest. Then suck him until he comes in your mouth_. 800 coins.

Thomas couldn’t understand how he had so much fake money. Maybe he also recorded himself and had success, and maybe he loved Minho and Newt. Maybe he even was a fan of them, for Thomas started to suspect that it wasn’t the first time they broadcasted themselves.

Minho, whose body was covered in sweat in a way that only remarked his muscles, showed his right thumb. “As you wish”. It was definitely his voice.

He kept on with the thrusts, forgetting the chat again. It was wild, and their moans were more similar to screams. Minho slowed down sometimes, but using the same strength, doing it in a harder way.

Sooner than he expected, he got out of Newt –Thomas’ body shook and his cock palpitated when he saw Newt’s pinkish hole, open and dilated as if it was waiting for him to fuck it– and the blonde one turned. Minho masturbated him with his left hand while masturbating himself with the right one. His seed crossed the air before falling on Newt’s chest, who was breathing quickly and seemed to be making a huge effort to hold his own cum.

As soon as he emptied himself, Minho leaned down and started to suck Newt. The latter used both his hands to move Minho’s head at his will, making him choke and even stopping the blow job to let him breathe. Minho would then smile at him. Thomas would pay thousands of pounds, dollars, euros and whatever currency was necessary to see Newt’s face. The blonde one directed Minho’s head to his cock again, who took it without choking so much. They both stopped, and Thomas knew exactly what was about to happen. Newt’s body shook while he held Minho’s head tight. Thomas moaned so loud that he was afraid he would wake anyone. The first burst of cum reached his chin and part of his inferior lip. The other ones weren’t so long, but he kept coming for a few long seconds. His chest and his abdomen didn’t take very long to get filled with thin rivers of his own cum. On the screen, Minho only let Newt’s cock go when the blonde one freed his head. Thomas was impressed to see that he had spitted a few drops of Newt’s seed, but he had swallowed the rest.

His hand started to slow down as his erection passed. He licked his inferior lip out of habit, but he didn’t even flinch from swallowing the drops of cum that had fallen there. Thomas felt his torso wet and thick, and he reached for some tissues trying not to stain the sheets. It had been one of the best jerk offs he had had in a long time, and how long had it been since he last came? It hadn’t been that long. So, where did all that cum came from? It was a dream, he repeated himself while cleaning his torso with several tissues.

But once he was clean and relaxed again and he took his phone, he saw them. They didn’t show all their faces –except, he assumed, when they blew each other–, but it was them. The lips and the blonde locks of hair that stuck out of the skinny boy’s neck were undoubtedly Newt’s.

He felt ashamed, embarrassed and a bit jealous. He shouldn’t have masturbated with that. He had violated their privacy even if they were freely broadcasting themselves. How could he see their faces again? He had satisfied his curiosity, yes, but at what cost?

«Stop it. They wanted to do it. You wanted to do it. The three of you enjoyed it», some voice said on the back of his head.

He went to sleep crying. He had enjoyed it, and that was the awful part. Not that it was awful to enjoy masturbation, he enjoyed it a lot. What was shameful for him was having enjoyed such masturbation: watching two of their friends having sex. He felt as a voyeur –everyone on that web were, he thought, although it didn’t console him–, and voyeurs, that kind of voyeurs, were bad people. He should tell them.


	10. White chocolate mocha

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Newt revealed him. Thomas didn’t answer for a few seconds which seemed like an eternity.

It had been two weeks since that night. Thomas hadn’t visited that web anymore — in fact, he hadn’t masturbated again since that day. He was too afraid to do it, for he was sure that whatever he imagined to do it, Newt and Minho would appear on his mind, and maybe Newt would materialize right next to him, imitating the positions he had made that night.

They had finally set up a meeting between them, the two of them alone. Minho had started to spend more and more hours a day at the gym and Alby had a double shift, so Newt had texted Thomas to have some coffee that afternoon. The brunette one had accepted instantly.

“But you do love him, right? I mean, like before.”

“I… yes! I guess so.”

Thomas took a sip from his white chocolate mocha, looking everywhere but Newt’s eyes.

“You guess so. That discards your _yes_ , you know that, don’t you?”, Thomas asked with a slight grin.

“Look, Tommy, I don’t know. I love him, but I think I don’t love him like before.”

“Okay, that’s something. Do you know why?”

Now it was Newt who didn’t answer. He shrugged and distracted himself with his hot chocolate, marshmallows still floating on the surface.

“It started all of a sudden. He trained a lot, but he started to train more. And I got scared, as if he was preparing to do something. Something bad. Don’t freak out, he hasn’t done anything and he won’t. He’s not that kind of guy. But the first days I was afraid of it. When I asked, he just told me that he was losing muscle, that he couldn’t afford to get fat. Nonsense, I know. He also started to act more… possessively.”

“That’s bad, Newt. You have to talk to him. Like seriously. Sit down and talk for hours.”

“It’s not that easy. Our life has reduced to sleeping, working and doing it.” Thomas hid his blushing behind the cup, taking another sip, longer than the previous one. “And I’m not embittered, but we barely talk anymore. Only when you guys spend time with us. It’s exhausting.”

“Why don’t you move back to your place again? You’re still paying, aren’t you?”

“I am, but it’s not that easy. He wants me there. He says he sleeps better when I’m with him. And well, it’s more comfortable to live together if we want to… you know.”

“But how can you? Okay, let me rephrase this…” Thomas leaned over the table to lower the voice and have more intimacy, although the café was almost empty and the sounds from the counter muffled their voices. “Do you always want to do it? If you don’t it’s rape, Newt.”

The aforesaid didn’t say anything. He was thinking, twirling his cup around between his two hands.

“I don’t want to think about that, okay? It’s not that I don’t want. I want, but maybe… look, let me be explicit. Maybe I just want to do oral and he keeps going until we also do penetration.”

“Okay, first of all, that’s not being explicit. And second… that’s rape, I think. Unless it’s you the one who… you know… does it.”

“We change. The perks of being versatile.”

“Okay, I didn’t need that.” Thomas crumpled one napkin and threw it at Newt’s face, laughing. He did, actually. Just because he was curious about it since he had seen them on that site. “Well, if it happens when you… oh, damn it, when you are receiving,” he added in a whisper, “then it’s rape. Even if you love him. Don’t let him do that again, okay?”

“Okay, Sheriff Tommy. I’ll do as you say, sir, what an honor!”

“Cut it, Newt. This is serious.”

“I know, I know… but I’m scared to break up with him. Well, not the act itself, I’m scared of the idea. What if we lose contact? In the end, I also like him as a friend, out of our relationship. He was my best friend before we started dating.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s where Alby enters the game. He can ease Minho and make the situation favourable for both of you.”

“You wouldn’t do anything?”

“Of course, but it’s different. I’ll help you if you do it, but Minho… I like him, he likes me, but he won’t listen to me about this. I have a feeling that…”

“What?”

“He’s jealous of me, isn’t he?”

“Not jealous. Come on, we’ve already been through this, Tommy. But yeah, I think you better help me and just me.”

They drank again, Thomas looking out the window, Newt rereading the menu.

“Okay, I’ve talked too much already. I’ll keep you updated. Now it’s your turn. How are things with Brenda? I should ask more frequently, sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. And we’re good. Yeah, very good. Things are… normal, I don’t know. Just like they are supposed to be, I think.”

“Tommy, don’t be such a shuck-face. I want details!”

“Details? You mean…? No, Newt, we’re not talking about this. No. I refuse.”

“What! Why not? I’m me, Tommy. We can talk about this. I won’t say anything. Not even to Minho. I’ll just tell him you’ve been talking to me about boring architecture stuff.”

“We haven’t done anything, okay?” Thomas looked down, ashamed.

“Is that it? I was expecting some weird fetish or something. It’s okay, I won’t judge you. I mean it’s weird at our age, but it’s not up to me. You do it when you both feel comfortable.”

“Yeah, the thing is that she… and me too, I’m not blaming her. The thing is that we are comfortable just with touching each other. I love how she does it, but in the end I think that I can do that by myself.”

“But you love her. And you don’t love your hand the same way you love Brenda.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, but nodded. “I think so. I think that it was too hasty. Maybe we should have just hooked up, you know? Not dated. It seems too much now.”

“Oh, man, who would say you and I would be debating this stuff after knowing each other the way we did. How long has it been? Three months?”

“A bit less, I think. Anyway…”

“Yeah, sorry. You have to talk to her before you move on. If she really loves you, like, if she thinks you are the love of her life, stop it before it’s too late. So you’re a virgin, huh?”

“No, I’m not!”

“Okay, calm down. I wouldn’t judge you, how many times do I have to tell you?”

Thomas looked away and took another sip.

“I’m sorry. But I’ve only done it once. So it’s like I’m a virgin.”

“Well, you’re not. Do you have plans for Christmas?” Newt changed the topic.

“I may go home. Depends on the work, you know. What about you?”

“Nothing special. I’ll stay here, with Minho. Alby celebrates it with his family. Minho… well, he doesn’t get along very well with his family. So I will stay with him.”

“We could meet and spent the night together, if I end up staying here. If it’s okay with you, of course. I wouldn’t want to interrupt your… things.”

“Our things? We won’t have sex with you in the other room, Tommy.”

“Oh, you won’t?” Thomas raised one eyebrow and threw another napkin at him. “Do I have to remind you the night I slept at Minho’s?”

“That was different. You were too drunk to hear us or remember. Besides, we were just sleeping naked. You imagined that!”

“I didn’t! It was obvious!”

It was Newt’s turn to throw a napkin at him. The conversation started to be banal, discussing mostly about their jobs and what they used to receive for Christmas when they were young.

“Have you ever felt interest in boys?”

Thomas didn’t hide his shock at how the conversation had suddenly changed.

“I… I have, yeah.”

“What’s your type?”

“Seriously? Cut it off, Newt. You’re starting to be Minho.”

“Wow,” Newt mouthed, and finished the rest of his drink at once. Thomas started to regret his words right after he shut up.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I don’t want you to be him. And there’s a reason why I’m so sensitive about certain topics.”

“Don’t be, you’re right. It happens when I spend too much time with him. What reason is that, anyway?”

He couldn’t say it. How could he look at him after recognising that he had masturbated with his session? Maybe decorating the story was the best option.

“I don’t want you to get mad, okay? But I recognised you and Minho…”

“Fuck me,” Newt whispered when he realised what Thomas was talking about. It was the first and last time that Thomas had seen Newt swearing.

“It’s okay! I mean, your faces were barely visible. But I recognised you. I didn’t stay, if it helps you. I closed it when I saw who you were.”

“Was Brenda with you?”

“What? No, no, no. I was alone. When we touch each other we don’t visit that sites. In fact it was the first time I visited one. What a coincidence.”

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Are you kidding? Look, let’s not talk about this. I’m sorry I brought it, but I was like dying if I didn’t tell. If it helps, I liked it.” Thomas was blushing and his hand were almost shaking.

“You’re making this too difficult, Tommy.”


	11. Pasta caprese salad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first of all I'm REALLY SORRY it took me so long to upload this work. It's been hard to write the characters at such difficult points of their lives (well, of this story at least), mainly because I don't want to demonise any of the characters (especially Minho — btw, if you have any suggestions on how his story with Newt should develop, they're more than welcome). Well, I'm back into routine now and I think I'll write more often. Enjoy!!

The streets were full of Christmas decorations and everywhere Thomas looked, all he could see were happy families or parents running from store to store in order to find the perfect gift for their children. That was one of the reasons Thomas didn’t left his house unless it was for work or going to the supermarket.

He had kept his distance with everyone. It was difficult with Brenda, for they worked right beside each other. However, Thomas rejected every date she suggested. He had to think. It had been almost a month since his conversation with Newt, which turned uncomfortable up to the point that Newt didn’t finish his hot chocolate — he left pretending to have received a text from Alby, who had stopped by his house with his friends to see him. Thomas preferred not to check if it was true or not.

Speaking of, Alby had been texting him from time to time, but he had pretended to be busy with work. «I really can’t, my boss wants all these projects before Christmas Eve… I think I’m going crazy!», was what he usually replied. Sometimes he didn’t even pick up. He just wasn’t in the mood.

Fortunately, he wasn’t having any nightmares and he could sleep well, although he would usually wake up with some aches. That night, his ringtone woke him up at 3:35. It was Brenda. Even if he wasn’t in the mood to talk with her or even to see her, he picked up.

“Who is it?” he asked with a sleepy voice, and yawned while Brenda answered. “Oh, hey, is… is everything alright?”

“Yeah, it’s just — I couldn’t sleep. Sorry if I woke you up, but I didn’t want to bother Jorge. Can we talk?”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. What is it?”

A silence. Thomas could feel Brenda’s breath against the phone’s micro, a breath that was speeding up. She was about to cry. They’d been together just for a couple of months, but Thomas recognised that things.

“Are you… do you… do you love me, Thomas? Because you’ve been absent for almost a month and I — I can’t keep on like this. If there’s someone else, just tell me. I won’t get mad, I just want the truth. Because if you’re lying to me, I’m wasting my time. And I can’t find myself in twenty years with…”

“Hey, Brenda” Thomas cut her, sitting up straight in the bed. “What are you saying?” He hadn’t imagined themselves in twenty years. He had always thought their relationship as the one who would last for a couple of years. Was she so romantic? “Look, I’m not with anyone. And it’s not just you. I’m not seeing my friends either, although I guess they’ve already told you. I’m just not in the mood for anything, I guess.”

“But you have to tell me these things, Thomas. We won’t meet outside job if you don’t want you, but we could have discuss this in our coffee break.”

“Brenda, I don’t even know why I am talking about this. I suppose it’s easier on the phone and at this hour of the night. Besides, what would you want me to say? «Hey, look, I know I’m distant but just because I feel like it». It’s something that I don’t even know how to explain.”

“I’ve talked to Newt, Thomas. The last time you saw each other you seemed fine. From that day, you’ve been weird. Did you fight, or something?”

“No! No, we didn’t. I couldn’t get mad at him for anything. But I needed loneliness. To think, or something.”

“So you are in a crisis or something? Like the 40 years old crisis, but in your twenties?”

“Hah, that’s funny. I guess you could say that. We could talk tomorrow, if you want to.”

Brenda sighed. “No, Thomas. Not if we’ll get nothing clear. Or… not if we’re going to break up.”

It was now Thomas’ turn to keep silence. He stood up and walked around his bedroom, running his free hand through his hair. “So… you want to break up now?”

“I don’t know. Do you?”

Thomas bit his lower lip. He liked Brenda, but did he love her? He appreciated her. He would protect her in some situations. But love? He didn’t even know what his exact definition of love was, and he wouldn’t know it until months later.

“It’s not that I want to. It’s more like… we have to, don’t we? I don’t want to be a burden.”

Brenda sniffed, and Thomas imagined she was crying in silence in order not to wake Jorge, who was on the next room. He opened and closed his mouth, unable to say anything else. How could he see his face the next day?

“You’re not a burden, idiot. But it’s the best thing, isn’t it?” She didn’t need to ask it, but she was looking for Thomas’ approval because it made the thing easier.

“It is… yeah, yeah, it is. Is that it? I — I’ve never break up with anyone.”

“Well, we’re breaking up with each other, aren’t we? It’s not a she-left-me or he-left-me situation, right?”

“Okay, so we both declare that this relationship has come to an end. May our future be brighter.” Brenda didn’t laugh, and Thomas knew one shouldn’t joke in such situations. “I really like you, okay?”

“I really like you too.” But they both knew that forcing their relationship would be worse. And they’d definitely work better as friends. After long seconds of silence, Brenda hung up. Thomas threw the phone at the bed and headed to the kitchen. There he rested against the countertop, dealing with feelings he didn’t know he had. He was sad and he definitely didn’t need that. Not when he felt so lonely. But that was life, wasn’t it? Next day would be a new day. Maybe he met the love of his life on the way work. Or maybe his routine would keep settling in. It was a mystery, a mystery that was supposed to be life’s grace.

* * *

There was no new love of his life. His days kept going as they had that last month. The only big change came the day before Christmas Eve.

He was preparing a pasta caprese salad when someone rang his entry phone five times. Thomas looked at the hour on his phone. He wasn’t expecting anyone, so it took two more rings for him to walk over the receiver and ask who it was.

“Tommy? Can I go in?”

Thomas didn’t even answer him before he pressed the button to open the gate of the building. He hadn’t realised how much he had missed Newt until he saw him on the corridor, walking towards his open door where Thomas was waiting for him. But Newt, even though he was happy to see him after such a long time, wasn’t smiling. He just rushed into his arms, and Thomas had to step back and grab the door to avoid falling on the floor with Newt on him. He pushed the door and hugged him back, smiling at his touch and warmness.

“Can we talk?”

“Are you serious? Of course we can.” Thomas felt bad because of the different ways he treated Newt and Brenda. He should have treated her as he was treating Newt, but it was late for that. Thomas sat Newt and the table. “Can you wait just two minutes? By your face I guess you’re hungry. And that something bad has happened.”

Thomas prepared another dish of salad and took both of them to the living room, where he’d eat them with Newt on the sofa. “Thanks for coming, by the way. What is it?” He was acting as if nothing has happened, as if he hadn’t locked himself up.

“Don’t think I won’t reprimand you. But I’m here… well, Minho…”

“What has he done?” Thomas even placed one of his hands in one of Newt’s arms, although he ended up letting go.

“Nothing, don’t worry. Well, nothing worrying. He’s just… so different… I think he’s expecting something to change. I can’t even express myself. He’s going more to the gym. Yes, more than the last day we talked. He wakes up at eight just to be there when they open, and some days he doesn’t come home until they close.”

“Newt, maybe he’s just trying to get a better figure.” Thomas was lost. He didn’t know Minho as much as Newt did, so he didn’t know if his acts were unusual and Newt was just exaggerating or not.

“Come on, Tommy. He already has the best figure. At least the best figure of the group. And he knows it, believe, he shows off a lot” a chuckle left his throat, but he went serious again, “so he doesn’t need to get a better figure.”

“Maybe he’s just preparing for some competition. You are thinking the worst, Newt. Maybe it’s just a stupid thing.”

“Yeah, I thought that too, until I told him today. I told him that he was spending a lot of time on the gym, that he was actually forgetting about me. ‘I’ll end up moving back to my place’, I said, and he just shrugged. ‘I won’t forbid you to’, he added. That’s not Minho, believe me. He would have said some romantic chuck to convince me to stay at his place. I’m… I’m afraid that he’s seeing somebody else. There, at the gym.”

Thomas left his dish at the coffee table and patted Newt’s back. “I doubt it. He loves you.” There was doubt in his words.

“You loved Brenda too.” There was an uncomfortable silence that Newt broke with a grunt as he moved closer to Thomas. He had barely eaten anything even if he was hungry. “I’m sorry, Tommy, I’m sorry. She told us, and… well, you did the right thing. My point is that we can love someone and at the same time being uncomfortable with them. Feeling like you don’t fit there. That’s what has happened to you, right? Think of us as Brenda and you. We like each other but one of us has suddenly become distant. I’m Brenda, and he’s you. And I suspect the reason you distanced from her. So please, understand why I’m afraid.”

Thomas wrapped his shoulders. “I understand. Think that he’s cheating on you if you’ll feel better. But I don’t think he is. Maybe he just needs space and he have just found out now. And if he doesn’t mind if you come back to your place or not… just do it. It would do you good too.”

“But what if we break up?”

“What about it? Being single is okay. You can do whatever you want and all that kind of stuff people say about being single that I suppose I also experience.”

“I think I’m afraid to be alone. I’ve been with him for some time…”

“Hey, you’ll still be friends, don’t be so dramatic. If not, you’ll have Alby. And me. And Brenda, and Jorge.”

“Alby is more friends with Minho that with me, but I guess you’re right. I just… I can’t think of my life as single, you know? Like, I can’t even remember how it was.”

“It’s… pretty much the same. With less sex and more loneliness. But that’s not helpful, I know, so believe me when I say it’s the best feeling in the world. It’s the closes thing to freedom humans have.”

“Okay, wow. Who are you and what have you done with Tommy? Have you been eating philosophy books or something?” Newt sniffed and wrapped his arms around Thomas in a hug. “Thank you, Tommy.”

“No problem.” Thomas mumbled. He started to feel guilty. Had he caused that by confessing Newt that he’d seen them having sex? No, he promised to keep his word. And Minho was already acting strange by that time. Could Minho be cheating on him? He seemed so fond of Newt… Thomas sighed and patted Newt’s back again.

“Do you have plans for Christmas?”

“Ummm… no, no I don’t. Why?”

“I don’t think I’m going to Minho’s. Not when we’re like this. So I was just wondering… since you’re not going with your family… we live just one floor apart from each other. Maybe we could spend this time together. And you’d make up for this month you’ve been lost!”

“Well, that’s fair. But I’ll accept. I can’t stand almost another month alone.”

“Do you wanna talk?”

Thomas shook his head and broke contact with Newt to keep eating. “No, don’t worry. It was destined to be over, sooner or later. Come on, eat something, you look terrible.”

Newt forced himself to eat, although he couldn’t with the whole dish. They spent the night on the sofa, arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders and watching the werewolves show Thomas had been beingwatched not long ago. Newt fell asleep against the brunette’s shoulder, and Thomas was so afraid to wake him up that he ended up sleeping in that position too, resting his head against Newt’s.


	12. Roast turkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying I'm going to be more active so whatever, I'll stop lying to myself.
> 
> I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, veeery sorry for the wait. But I think it's worth it, and I'm very proud of the last two paragraphs, so just enjoy!

Thomas had never been more nervous on Christmas Eve. He had dealt with his meddlesome cousins, with his gossip aunts, with his severe uncles, but never with something as simple as a date with Newt. If it was even a date, which seemed like a strong word. He wanted to see it as a date, but a friends date. It was too soon to try anything — Thomas figured Newt was still feeling something strong for Minho.

Newt, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier. He loved Christmas with Minho both with his family and the two of them alone. But after years he was going to experience something different, even more intimate than the dinners with Minho. He really liked and loved Thomas even though he had been distant for almost two months. There was something about him that caught his attention and made Newt eager to undress him, metaphorically — to see his soul, his hearts, his hidden desires.

They were almost living together, having breakfast, lunch and dinner together. When it was bedtime, Newt would go to his own flat, for Thomas didn’t have two beds. And proposing Newt to sleep with him would be too much. Even though friends did sleep together if the situation required it, it would be uncomfortable. Wouldn’t it? Both of them had agreed to wear something formal.

Thomas chose a pair of black, plain trousers with a simple white shirt, decorated with a dark red bow tie. Newt, on the other hand, wore a full suit except for the jacket, changing it for a brown vest, and decorated his blue shirt with a purple tie. On his way to Thomas’ house he opened his fridge to take a box of 50 chocolates. Since he couldn’t afford a bottle of good wine, he thought that chocolates would be a good substitute. As he used the stairs to go Thomas’ floor, he smiled out of hope — his limp was barely noticeable, and there was no pain at all. That was always a good sign.

The brunette boy had just left the roast turkey on the table when he heard the bell. He threw the mittens at the sink and smoothed his shirt before he opened the door, a wide smile on his face as if he hadn’t seen Newt in years. His smile started to disappear to be substituted by an expression of amazement, and he stepped aside with a long whistle.

“It’s too much, isn’t it?” Newt said, using the box of chocolates to cover his face as he started to blush.

“Uhm… No, it’s not. You’re…” handsome, the most handsome boy I’ve ever seen, no one has worn or will ever wear vests as you do, please know how much I love you, how badly I want you. “It suits you, a lot. I’ll never be able to wear a vest with such a style. And thank you for the chocolates.” Thomas added after he closed the door, taking the chocolates from Newt’s hands to keep them in the fridge.

“Hey, those weren’t for you!” Newt joked, a grin decorating his face, before he followed Thomas’ order –a soft wave of his hand– to take a sit on the dining room table.

“Yeah, of course. They are for the date you have later, am I wrong?” Thomas continued the joke before he took the appetizers from the fridge: smoked salmon canapés, cold mini pizzas, guacamole sauce in a base of tortilla, pieces of melon with Spanish ham and bacon wrapped around small sausages.

“Okay, now I feel bad for having brought just the chocolates” Newt admitted when he saw the food on the table, taking one of his hands to his abdomen. He was really hungry.

“Don’t be an idiot, cooking helps me relax, so I actually loved spending my afternoon doing this” Thomas recognised while serving a cheap but nice Italian red wine in both their glasses. “Besides, you’ll be the one making dinner on New Year’s Eve, so you can impress me then.”

They looked at each other with a smile and their sight kept there for a few seconds, as if tied with an invisible rope that made it impossible to look away. They only did when Newt’s stomach made a growling sound, which made Newt brush and Thomas burst into laughter. “Okay then, bon appétit. Let’s not keep Newt’s stomach unattended for more time.”

With no more sound that their bites and chewing they finished the whole appetizers and half the turkey. Their conversation banal, they were more focused on eating than talking and listening, but it didn’t make the situation uncomfortable. On the contrary, both Thomas and Newt silently recognised that if the silences weren’t awkward, they were having a good time. They could trust each other. They didn’t need to feel them with small talks just to avoid being quiet.

“I wonder what Minho is doing.” Newt couldn’t help it. He pointed at his glass to blame it on the wine, although they weren’t drunk. Their cheeks got pinkish, but they were still sober.

“Hey, stop. He’ll be missing you, thinking about what he has done wrong to lose you. I know you’re not officially over, but believe, he’ll use this time to think about it. But you won’t. Because you’re here with me, your best friend, and I won’t allow you to think about him. You’ve done nothing wrong, okay?”

Newt just nodded, a small smile drawing on his lips. “Okay, sir, yes, sir! I’ll go get the chocolates.”

Thomas raised a hand towards him, trying to stop Newt, but he was too tired to even get up. He took both hands to his stomach, sighing with relief. “You want me to play some carols?”

“Are you going to sing for me?” was Newt’s answer from the kitchen, in a yell. He had taken the box of chocolates out of the fridge, but he was using that moment to inspect his food. Not because he was a gossip man or he was interested in Thomas’ diet, but because of the smell. And he found it, three slices of marinated pork loin that were starting to get green. He wondered if Thomas was having troubles again, but he preferred to think that now that they spent most of the day together he had been too busy to clean his fridge. A slip is a slip, right? Without saying anything, he threw the filets away and then put the dish in the sink. A small deed, a favour.

“I could! But I’ll wait until later, because we’re definitely going to do some karaoke” Thomas replied in the meantime, taking his phone from the corner of the table and setting up the Bluetooth so that it would connect to the speakers. A quick search and he found a playlist with both classic and modern carols. The first one was from Frank Sinatra. “A classic” Thomas sighed with a smile as Newt arrived with the chocolates. He didn’t even wonder by he had taken so long. The music with the vision of Newt taking the chocolates and opening the box in front of him seemed like a dream. A romantic one. Nothing kinky, no sex on the table, just a dinner. Even the way Newt extended the box to him seemed romantic, but he had to stop daydreaming to take one.

It was hazelnut chocolate. He let it melt in his mouth, closing his eyes. “It’s very nice. Thank you. I had no dessert apart from some yoghurts, so you did good.”

“Yeah, well, it was the least I could do. How are you? You know what I mean.”

“What has taken you so long?” Thomas asked with a deep and tired sigh as he stretched out to take another chocolate. He had expected that question sooner. “I’m fine, really. We have been talking a bit in work, and she seems fine too. And Jorge texted me this afternoon to wish me merry Christmas, so I guess he’s not mad at me.”

“He shouldn’t be, to be honest. I mean, this things happen all the time, right? One day is Brenda, the other day could be him. Although he’s still single, isn’t he?” Thomas nodded, too busy to talk. He was already biting his third chocolate. “Maybe he’s gay too.”

Thomas shook his head. “Nope. At least Brenda told me he’s not. It’s just that he’s not into relationships and he prefers to work and take care of her.”

“Come on, she’s old enough, she doesn’t need him.”

“I know, but that’s just how he is. We’re more or less like him, Newt. Look at us. Taking care of each other at Christmas.”

“This is different, and you know it. We’re both going through some difficult time.”

“Not me! Not anymore. But I’m happy to help you, so yeah, I think I’m the Jorge of our group.”

“You’re not. You’re cuter, and way nicer, so please, don’t be Jorge, ever.” Thomas shrugged, trying to hide his blush with another chocolate. Newt moved the box away with a laugh. “It’s your fifth one, Tommy. Even though I’d still like you with a belly, stop. Christmas has just started, and if you keep eating them, you’ll eat all the forty eight chocolates I haven’t eaten.”

Thomas stick his tongue out at Newt and pretended to be angry. “What!? Don’t look at me. I’m just watching out for your figure. Your next girlfriend will appreciate it.”

“Or boyfriend.”

Newt stared at Thomas. He had imagined it. Who else watches gay webcams to jerk off? Not a straight one, that was for sure. So the options were a gay one and a bisexual one, and since Thomas had a girlfriend…

“Or boyfriend, you’re right. He or she will appreciate your slim figure, believe me.” Thomas didn’t know what to answer, so Newt stood up and took the box of chocolates. Then he pointed at the bottle of wine, still half full, and at the TV. “What about some karaoke? I don’t know the Frank Sinatra ones, but if you have Mariah Carey on that playlist, I’ll beat you.”

“Hah! You bet.”

They spent the next forty five minutes singing, using YouTube karaoke videos as base. They finished the bottle of wine and, regardless of Newt’s advice, ate most of the box of chocolates. By the end of the singing, Newt being the clear winner, Thomas had his shirt open, Newt was covering his torso only with the best and his tie was around Thomas’ head.

“Okay, you’ve won” Thomas confessed when they were lying down on the sofa, his head resting against Newt’s shoulder. Their faces were red not only because of the effort and the dances, but because of the wine. Both of them felt dizzy, but most of all, happy. A bit drunk, enough to know what they were saying and doing and remember it next day.

“I always win, Tommy. I’m the best at singing, although I have to say, you are a pretty good dancer. When did you learn to move your hips like that?”

“Ugh, don’t ask! My school dances were awful. By the end of every year, each classroom had to learn a dance. I guess some of that still lives in me.”

“Tommy, the next British Idol!” Newt screamed with a laugh, taking one hand to the brunette’s hair.

Thomas felt his stomach shrinking and he even moved around, but he didn’t say anything. Newt’s fingers running through his hair were actually relaxing. “Thank you for being there, Newt, I…”

“Sshhh, shut up. If it weren’t for my incompetence, we wouldn’t know each other. You know, me in my undies and everything.”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember” Thomas whispered with a laugh, his eyes closed and his head moving, as if trying to outrun Newt’s fingers, or even get more of his hair covered by them. He stopped when his lips touched his arm. “Still, thank you. Even these last month, away from you, you’ve been very important to me. I’m just awful at speaking about feelings, so… take advantage of tonight and let me say thank you and, well, I love you. You’re the best friend I could have asked for.”

Newt bit his lower lip, applying a bit more pressure on his head with his finger in a soft massage. “You’re great too. You’ve been very helpful and have always been there when I had to talk to someone, so… you’re the best friend I could have asked for, too. Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Yeah, of course” Thomas answered, nodding with his head. “Do you want to go to bed already?”

Newt shrugged, looking at the TV channel they had put on after they finished the karaoke. Some singing contest. “This will make me look like an old man, but yes. It’s not like we’re going out now, and there’s nothing interesting on TV. Although we can clean the table and make the dishes first.”

“Are you idiot? Leave that for tomorrow. Besides, you’re the guest, you won’t do such things. Come on, let’s go.” Thomas sit forward before standing up, letting go a small sigh when he broke contact with Newt’s fingers. He took off Newt’s tie from his head, leaving it on the sofa, and got undressed on the way to the bedroom, leaving the shirt on the hallway.

“Do you mind if I sleep in my underwear?” Newt asked, resting against the living room’s door frame. “I mean, you’ve already seen me but I don’t want you to be afraid if you see me like this when you wake up and go to the kitchen.”

“Uh, no, not at all” Thomas replied from the bedroom, also leaning against the door frame. “But, um— are you going to sleep there? I thought you… uh, never mind.”

“Oh! Hey, I can definitely sleep with you if you don’t mind. I just thought you wouldn’t be comfortable, you know, with M—”

“Don’t say it and come here already, please.”

Thomas finally entered the room and took off his pants there, while Newt finished undressing –taking off his vest and his trousers– on the way to the bedroom. “Can’t you see how much I love you!? The way I spend my wage in you!?” Minho’s sentences started to accumulate on his head, echoing through his crane. “I’ve let you do anything! You think a lot of boys can presume of having being ridden by me!?” Newt gulped as he adjusted his slip’s elastic edges. “I don’t care about that! Sex is sex, Minho! We’re talking about everything else! I don’t care how many times you have bottomed before or if that was your first and only time! You’re using me, in a very subtle way, but using me!”

“Hey, the bed is here.” Thomas brought him back from his memories with that sentence. Newt had stopped, standing in front of the bed with just his briefs and shivering because he was actually cold.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I was just… stupid wine, don’t mind me.” He smiled to comfort Thomas before he got in the bed. He was expecting Thomas to embrace him, but he turn around. Newt could see the great number of moles in Thomas’ back and he had to hold back his desire to run his finger along them, joining them to form a beautiful constellation before Thomas turn the light off.

Newt didn’t change his position but he did crawl back to the other side, maintaining some security distance between them. Silence. Their rhythmical breaths. The quilt going up and down intermittently as they breathed.

Minutes later, which seemed hours to Newt, Thomas crawled back a few centimetres. Newt could feel the heat emanating from him even though they were still far from each other, considering the bed’s size. Was he already asleep? Or had it been a volunteer movement? He crawled forward, arching his back so that his torso was leading the way. Newt wouldn’t forgive himself if his crotch accidentally hit Thomas’ butt.

Thomas shivered at the contact of Newt’s breath on his nape. They were close, and yet he couldn’t feel him physically. He wanted to. He waited. Both of them waited.

Newt raised his hand under the quilt. Thomas started to turn. They both burst into laughter when they hit each other in the head.

“Shuck, sorry.” Newt whispered between laughs.

“It’s okay.” Thomas replied, still turning around. They were face to face now, both of them barely illuminated by the moon that filtrated between Thomas’ shutters. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Tommy.” ‘Shuck it’, Newt thought before he let his instincts guide him in the darkness. Thomas had his mouth half opened, which Newt used to his advantage. He placed his upper lip between Thomas’ ones and started to kiss him.

Thomas’ abdomen shrank at the touch of Newt’s lips, but he didn’t hesitate when it came to continue the kiss. It was now or never. After a few more kisses, it was Thomas who let his tongue explore Newt’s mouth, softly moaning against him at the contact of both their tongues. Minho didn’t exist, not anymore, in Thomas’ thoughts. And it was starting to disappear from Newt’s recent memories. There was only Thomas, the beautiful Thomas, Thomas’ moles, Thomas’ pale skin, Thomas’ treasure trail he had peeked when Thomas had opened his shirt in the karaoke session, Thomas’ messy brunette hair he had always wanted to caress, Thomas’ dimples on his cheeks every time he smiled. Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. His Thomas, his Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. “Tommy.”

“Newt.”

They just kissed, even when Thomas wrapped his arms around Newt’s neck and crawled on top of him, their bodies in full contact. They just kissed, even when Newt’s hands caressed not just his lower back but his buttocks. They just kissed, for it was too soon to cross the line. They just kissed, even though they both wanted to share everything.


	13. Christmas breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And another smutty chapter! Not sex per se yet, but you know, you've been warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY SORRY SORRY. No excuses, typical with me.
> 
> I needed a looooong break after exams and I took it, oh hell. Anyway, as usual, enjoy! This one is shorter than the other ones, but maybe this way I can update it more often? We'll see. Thanks for reading.

The morning’s bright sun filtering through the curtains woke Thomas up. He hummed happily before stretching out. However, something stopped him. _Someone_. Newt’s left arm was wrapped around him and Thomas started to recall the events from last night. They hadn’t done anything. ‘Shit’, he thought, not because of not having done anything but because of his morning wood.

Thomas crawled off the bed, sliding under Newt’s arm. Silently, he got off the bedroom and stood in the hallway, looking at the bathroom’s door. Should he aliviate himself? He wanted to, but he ended up heading to the kitchen. And there, after cleaning last night’s mess, he started to make breakfast — apple juice, toasts, bacon, fried eggs, sweet beans, a couple of sausages and two mini chocolate croissants with a cup of coffee. Almost an hour went by, and he was so concentrated in cooking that he didn’t notice the figure that stood against the doorframe until he put the milk in the fridge again.

“Whoa, hey!” he shouted with a jump. Thomas looked around the kitchen, looking for something to cover himself. Newt was wearing his underwear too, but he had covered his torso with some Thomas’ T-shirt he had found on his chair.

“Hey, sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you, you seemed so concentrated. I love it. I hope you don’t mind me taking this shirt.”

“No, no, don’t worry. I should —”

But Newt didn’t move when Thomas headed towards the door.

“I guess we’re even now” the blonde one joked, with a grin decorating his face.

Thomas had to think for a few seconds. He looked down at his own body and he quickly crossed his arms, trying to cover it. He didn’t like his body even if he knew he wasn’t fat or excessively skinny.

“Oh, right. I guess so. The only difference is, I’m ugly as hell to look at.”

Newt shut him up with a kiss. Thomas returned the kiss, even uncrossed his arms to hold one of Newt’s arms, but something felt wrong. Everything was going well and smooth, but something felt wrong. And they both knew about it.

“So it wasn’t a dream.” Thomas sounded sadder than expected.

“Luckily, it wasn’t. Is something wrong?” Newt asked, caressing his stomach before heading towards the kitchen table, where the breakfast had been served by Thomas.

“Uh, I don’t know, you tell me. Have you called Minho?”

It was better to be direct. And Thomas wanted nothing more than direct answers as well. He loved Newt, even if that was a strong word, and he wouldn’t stand lies and evasive replies from him.

“Oh, that’s it. You know what? I didn’t even remember him until now. Last night… we only kissed and yet… I liked it so much. Why would you ruin it now?”

“Excuse me? Ruin it? Newt, you may have argued” Thomas counterattacked while sitting in front of him. He wasn’t hungry anymore, while Newt was gulping everything eagerly, “you may be angry at each other, but you’re still… something, I guess.”

“«Hey, Minho? Merry Christmas. This is over. I love you, but last night I hooked up with Thomas and now I love him more. Don’t be mad!» Sounds like the bloody perfect Christmas gift to me, Tommy.”

“I’m not saying you have to do it right now. Just do it before he comes back, before he thinks this time you’ve given each other have worked.”

Newt stayed quiet for a few minutes in which Thomas started to eat, slowly.

“Did you like it?”

“Are you kidding? I loved it. I’ve been wanting to kiss you since we met each other well.”

“Why were you with Brenda?”

“Oh, come on! Really?” Thomas sighed and let his toast on the table before crossing his arms again. Newt just nodded. “We’ve had this conversation already. But yes, I was trying to forget you with her. I’ve never fallen in love so quick with someone. You’re the lucky guy. And you aren’t free, of course. That’s just my luck.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve handled worse, Tommy. And hey, thank you for being so honest. I just… I don’t know when I fell in love with you. Not long ago, but surely not short ago. I guess in our trip to Brighton, or maybe a bit later.”

“And yet you supported me and Brenda.”

“What would you have me say? ‘Don’t go out with her because I love you even though I’m supposed to love Minho’?”

Thomas laughed while shaking his head. “Our lives are… complicated, I see. I’m going to take a shower” he added some seconds later, standing up. “Don’t you dare cleaning this when you are finished. Watch some TV or something.”

Newt opened his mouth, but didn’t say anything as he saw Thomas’ back, full of moles he was dying to caress and join with his fingers. He looked suddenly tired and sad, but that didn’t stop him from finishing all his breakfast and follow Thomas into the bathroom, when the water was already running and steam was floating in the ambience.

In silence, he stripped down and got into the shower, whispering a soft ‘hey’ so that Thomas wasn’t scared. However, his smile indicated Newt that he had already noted his presence. Then Thomas felt the blonde’s lips on his wet nape and upper back.

“Give me time, okay? Just a couple of days. I’ll solve everything.” Newt whispered as he moved his lips towards Thomas’ neck.

“Okay” Thomas mumbled, half nervous, half excited at the touch of Newt’s hands, which were now caressing his sides and moving slowly towards his abdomen.

“How can you not like yourself, Tommy? You may not have Minho’s abs… but that makes you hotter, somehow. At least for me.”

Newt’s whispers were killing him even more than his hands. The left one went up to one of his nipples while the right one caressed his abdomen, the trail of hair that was born above his navel and led straight into his pubes and his manhood. Thomas gasped out of pleasure and excitement when Newt’s fingers wrapped around the base of it and started to stroke him. However, he didn’t need much help for he was already almost fully erect.

That had to be a dream, Thomas thought. It felt oneiric yet so real. Was this Newt’s way of asking for forgiveness? If it was, Thomas should get angry at him more times. He was still concerned about Minho, but it had become secondary. A minor problem. Newt’s lips, hands and cock were making him forget about it. Because Thomas hadn’t ignored it — he was feeling Newt’s cock against his right buttock. He was just too shocked, too pleased with being treated as Newt was treating him — so much that he couldn’t move, not even to masturbate him too.

He didn’t last long. Newt kissed his neck and bit his ear lobe as his left hand pinched his nipples and the right one kept masturbating him, faster every minute. He would apply a bit more of pressure when he reached his glans just to release it and let his hand slide back down smoothly. No matter the speed.

Thomas finally seemed to react and tilted his head back, looking at the ceiling through the steam. His lips opened, and he was about to moan louder than before when Newt stopped stimulating his nipples and quickly introduced his index and middle fingers in Thomas’ mouth. As if someone was at the other side of the plastic screen and they were afraid to be heard. Thomas really wanted to moan, to let Newt know he was liking it, but his attitude just made him hornier.

And it took him just a few more seconds to come. He licked and bit Newt’s fingers without leaving any marks on them when he felt the first burst of his seed leaving him, reaching the tile wall. Thomas moaned right against the blonde’s fingers, his voice muffled, as he moved his body up and down in small jumps while he kept coming, his semen now getting lost with the rest of the water.

Newt kept masturbating him, enjoying Thomas’ suffering because of his increased sensitivity. However, he was eager to cum too. And for that, he didn’t need Thomas help. He just moved his hips, back and forth, his cock rubbing against Thomas’ right buttock. Newt bit Thomas’ neck to muffle his deep moans against his skin as his cum sprayed all over Thomas’ buttocks and even the crack that separated them.

Once finished, both of there were breathing heavily, letting the water that was still falling on them from the shower clean their rests away. ‘What now’, was all Thomas thought. They were taking giant steps. And they both knew what the next step was. But Thomas wasn’t ready. He would be whenever Minho knew the truth.

“God, you’re my perdition. I hate you” it was Thomas who broke the ice with a chuckle before turning the faucet off. He turned around to kiss Newt, softly and with all the love he could put into it.

“Of course you do. You have just demonstrated how much you hate me.” Another kiss, before adding: “Sorry if I overstepped. I should have asked for permis–”

Thomas covered Newt’s mouth with his right hand. “No, stop it. If I wouldn’t have wanted this, I would have said it. I was like a rock just when I heard you undressing. Believe, I wanted this as much as you.”

They dried each other, avoiding their groins in case the leftovers of their libido would return and _force_ them to repeat what they’ve done. They day went on as another one, as if nothing had happened. They cuddled and kissed, but apart from that, they kept acting as if they were just the two best friends they were before.

Both of them had Minho on their minds. They wouldn’t like to stop being their friends. They wouldn’t want his hate. They would want him to understand them, to understand their connection and their feelings.

When they were watching the typical Christmas movie every network broadcasted on Christmas Day, their bodies just separated by a bowl of popcorns, the entry phone rang thrice.


	14. Red tea

“I know who rings like that.”

And Thomas didn’t even have to wait for Newt’s next word. “Minho” he said, and Newt just answered with a nod. “Does he know you’re here?”

“No, but I guess he figured it out. He must have rang my door, and since there was no answer…”

Thomas nodded and looked at Newt’s lips, wanting to kiss them. Just in case it was their last kiss. Just in case something bad happened. But he just broke contact with him and stood up to open the door. He pressed the button after confirming that it was indeed Minho and then left the apartment door ajar. Thomas crossed the arms on his chest while Newt stayed on the sofa, looking at the TV but actually focusing on the hall. What had happened on the shower a few hours ago seemed months away.

“Hey, Minho!” Thomas hugged him, acting as friendly as ever. Acting as if he hadn’t just been masturbated by his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, as if he didn’t love Newt, as if he didn’t felt selfish for loving him, for _stealing_ him. “I thought you were with your family back in London.”

“I was, yeah, but I came this morning. I… is Newt here? I miss him.”

“Yes, come in. He’s in the living room.”

But Minho got closer to Thomas, placing both hands in their shoulders. “Did he sleep here? Did you look after him? I… I just need to know that he has been well and not alone, because—” Minho shut up and shook his head. Thomas knew he was hiding something because of the sudden way he had shut his mouth, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Yes, don’t worry, I let him stay in my bed and I slept on the couch. I was… really worried about you guys. He told me you used to spend Christmas together. What has happened?”

“He has been… weird. More distant, you know?” Thomas nodded, although he clearly remembered that Minho was the distant one. At least, according to Minho. “And that has made me distant too. The relationship has been dead for weeks now. But I don’t want to leave him. I’ll feel too guilty.”

“Why would you? I think he’s strong. You are adults now, you can both handle a break up, can’t you?”

Minho tilted his head and looked away at the plain white wall besides them. He was considering his next words, unable to decipher what Thomas knew about Newt.

“Yes, he is strong. I know he is. But at the same time I have this feeling, like I have to take care of him constantly, you know what I mean?” Thomas did, but he just shrugged, ‘more or less’. “So, what if after breaking up with him he wants those cares and has no one to give them to him?”

‘He has me.’ Thomas shrugged again and it was now him who put one of his hand in Minho’s left shoulder. “Listen to me. Do you want to break up with him?” he asked lowering his voice.

Minho took a deep sigh as he closed his eyes. “I don’t, unless the relationship is still as dead as this last weeks.”

“There’s only one way to handle this.”

* * *

 

Thomas had made them some red tea with some biscuits and had retired to the kitchen to give them privacy. However, he was leaned against the door, listening closely in case he needed to intervene.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Minho. Thomas is such a good friend. He’s made sure I got my mind occupied. You should see him dancing.” Both of them chuckled, looking at the floor. The laughs died soon. “And you? Are you okay?”

Minho nodded, sipping from his cup. Then he lost his eyes and mind on the reddish water. The silence was deep, up to the point that they could hear some carols from another floor.

“What happened?” Newt voice was a bit broken, but he didn’t dare to cry. Not that soon.

“I guess… we were too fast?”

“We were everything but fast. Although maybe going to live together was a risky move. Living together can kill couples, but we already knew that. We did it knowing that it could happen, remember?”

“Yes, Newt, but…”

“And that’s probably why you were at the gym all day. I thought… Shuck, I thought you were having an affair with someone from the gym.”

“What?” Minho couldn’t help laughing, causing Newt to roll his eyes and look away. “That’s… ridiculous, Newt. I’d never do that to you.”

“Then why were you training so much? Why spend so many hours there?”

“Come on, I work there. I’m not going to go home just because I have a free hour. I use it to train and swim. It’s my lifestyle, Newt.”

“You did before! You picked me up whenever you had free time, you bought me lunch. But since we moved in together… you came home for dinner and have sex before bed. I felt… used.”

Silence again. By the way Minho sniffed, Thomas found out he had started to cry.

“I can’t believe you, Newt. Should I remember you the couple of nights you received me wearing only one of my tank tops?”

“I’m not saying I didn’t want to! I’m not saying you raped me or anything, I know you’d never do that. But… you just had your dinner and then waited for me in the bed, and then you played with me until I got hard… and, like, you’re my boyfriend. Of course I want to have sex with you. But we stopped doing other things — watching a movie, going out to have a drink — I guess I got tired.”

“I’m sorry. I really am. I can make up to it now, Newt, I —”

“No. I don’t… I think we should… end this. I like you, Minho, but I can’t take it anymore. I’m bloody terrified to say this, but I want to break up with you. Besides, I like someone else and I need to be free. I’m sorry, Minho. And I truly want to be friends with you after this, because I still appreciate you. A lot.”

Thomas couldn’t see it, but Minho took a napkin and dried his eyes before blowing his nose. “Don’t worry, I want to end it too. I mean, I’d like to end it if we were going to be like these last weeks. It’s not healthy.”

Thomas thought of his relationship with Brenda. It had died because of the lack of love and passion while Newt and Minho’s one was going to die because of the excess of passion. Although passion went beyond sex itself and Thomas understood it.

“And I apologise if I ever made you feel bad or used. It wasn’t my intention.”

“I know. Maybe _used_ is a strong word, but I can’t find anything else. Did you tell your parents?”

“Yeah, they figured it out. I told them it wasn’t over, but that it would be very soon.”

Thomas had his forehead against the door and had closed his eyes to hold back his tears. He didn’t feel as guilty as before, but still. Would they be happy and together and healthy if he hadn’t shown up in their lives? In the silence that followed Minho’s last intervention, Newt got closer to him to give him a hug.

“Friends, then.”

“Best friends, of course.”

“Hah! Don’t tell Alby that or he’ll be jealous of me.”

“He’ll get over it. And as soon as he finds a girlfriend, he’ll forget about us” Minho joked, messing Newt’s hair as the latter laughed with the former.

“Does Thomas know?”

Newt nodded, and Minho understood him. He understood their friendship and he was actually glad for Thomas’ presence in Newt’s life. Then they called him. When he heard his name, he wetted his hands and went out drying them as if he had been washing the dishes. “Did you like the tea?”

Both Minho and Newt started to laugh as they broke the hug.

“Yes, Thomas, it was bloody delicious. But, we have something to tell you. It’s over, our thing.”

“Oh, wow. Sorry, guys. You… were a good couple.” And they were. Cute and hot, intelligent and funny, serious and entertaining at the same time. But, selfish as it sounded, Thomas preferred Newt to be with him. Because he liked him. Loved him.

“Don’t worry, we’re fine. Just… this happens all the time, right? With every couple.”

“It was sooner than I had anticipated” Minho confessed with a sigh, “but it’s better to end things before they are rotten.”

“Since when are you so deep?” Newt picked Minho’s side with a laugh that was soon shared by the other two.

* * *

 

Minho asked Thomas if he could stay the afternoon there and he ended up saying the night too. Newt proposed him to go to his apartment, but Minho himself declined the invitation.

Thomas was happy with the three of them spending the rest of the day together, functioning as a perfect trio. It really was a perfect trio. Even Minho complemented Thomas and Thomas complemented Minho in ways they hadn’t discovered yet. Newt glued them together. Without Newt, there would be no trio. And it was something that surpassed any sexual or romantic feeling.

However, Thomas could just look at Newt whenever Minho was focused on the TV. He wanted to kiss him, hold him, undress him, hug him, give him everything he hadn’t given anyone yet. At least not with that intensity. And he wanted to get intimate with him, lose his virginity with boys to Newt. He wanted to do everything only with Newt. But they had to wait, at least until Minho got back to his working life, when Christmas went by. Would he accept them? Or would Minho hate Thomas they way he feared Minho hated him when they first met? He really liked Minho. He was trustworthy and generous. He wouldn’t want to lose his friendship. So, the next move came natural to his mind — he would have to go and visit him on the gym, when he was alone and maybe more vulnerable, to tell him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ AFTER READING THE CHAPTER!!
> 
> I'm really bad at writing beautiful break ups okay?? Don't mind me. I just want to get to the fluffly and smutty stuff with Thomas and Newt, but this slow pace is necessary to get to it, sorry <3

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and corrections are always appreciated!


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